Tuesday, August 13, 2002
I don't think that anyone could doubt that I loved this boy.
I loved him in different ways over these two years of knowing him. He was the one that - no matter what - was always a prize to me somewhere deep in my heart. A symbol of something that went well and still meant much. Even after the romance had to end, he was always the one that could have been and was proof of the hope that true goodness exists in this world. Men were not bad because he was not bad.
It wasn't hard to love him really. He was so easy to be with and embrace in that way. No matter who you were or what you were. He had this effervescent puppy like quality to him that you knew that when you saw it - was a rare and special thing indeed.
His innocence astounded me. His beauty inspired me. He was the one I could always rely on. A constant in a world of many many inconstant things.
And in a flash he was gone. As if a flame unattended, a brief moment when I wasn't looking, had gone out. I didn't know that something could do that to him - could rid this world, my world, of his seemingly eternal warmth and glow. In many ways I do not want to accept it - these new facts. These are changes to my world view, my beliefs, my givens. He was always supposed to be here, without a doubt to me. And it's a shame that he is not.
He was a beautiful man and a wonderful soul. He touched so many people with his pure generous light without even really trying. He had this ability to just make you speak and say things that you would have never said to yourself out loud. He was a man who did not judge or preach, but just understood. It was his understanding that in many ways redeemed you. He had a gift. He reached people that would be unreachable - through mediums that are by nature cold and inorganic. He was so talented that he made it his life's work, to reach children that were in fact by science and by medicine deemed unreachable as well. It was his gift and his purpose in life and he had the limitless compassion to do it.
He literally changed my life and made me a better person. He helped me see the beauty and possibility in myself. His unflinching belief in the abilities of other people - at times over himself - made life good to live in. It made life and people worth understanding. His stamp of approval meant everything. His taste, his humanity, was gold. He made me open and willing to love and most importantly be, possibly, hurt.
I regret to see that he left no children. He would have made a wonderful, wonderful father.
In the two years that I've known him, I've gotten to know him very well. I've met his family and his friends and was allowed into his innermost circle. I got to hear his doubts and dreams. His secrets were my honor to keep. The times I've shared with him were some of the happiest in my life. And here are some of the pictures I've kept from our time together. From when we first started out in our romance
and in love
. . . To when we were sick over New Year's Eve together and nursed each other back to health
. . . To when we were near the end of our romance but still cared for each other's company
in fun places like New York . . . These were the more intimate sides of Scott that I got to know and care for. These are just some simple mementos of his life before ( 1
) in his old apartment and of his desk that I also have and would like to share with you.
To my first love and my best friend - sweet Scott that I will remember and cherish forever
- may you rest in peace.
Wednesday, August 07, 2002
So I'm going to take advantage of the fact that for some reason Scott trusted me enough to grant me access to his blog. Granted, I granted him access to my small circle of people I care about, but still, I was honored.
Greeting everyone. This is Meredith. Yes, the one who begged Scott to get rid of the naked asian amazon background and who made the above Freudian Slop logo. I've been trying to think of something to say, but I thought I'd let Scott talk for himself, in a manner of speaking.
One day (I'm setting the stage here, so please be patient), I begged on my blog for someone to tell me a joke. And then I waited. And I waited. And I waited.
Then after a good deal of waiting, I got an email from our dear ol' belov'd. And here was his joke:
Okay. Here's your joke: Why did God create the universe? Because he's an evil, twisted bastard and we're all his playthings, in some warped game that fits into his
Thanks Scott, for making me spit diet coke through my nose on many an ocassion.
(and thanks for being more tolerant of my accidental spelling than you were your own)
Sunday, August 04, 2002
Here is the plan for Scott's weblog. If you wish to post something to the actual weblog, as opposed to the comments system (poems, pictures you may have, thoughts on Scott, etc.), please send me an e-mail
and I will post it. Please mention who you are and tell me what your weblog address is and tell me if you wish your e-mail address to be posted, as well. If you are one of the people who Scott granted access to the weblog for "guest-posting", please feel free to post whatever you'd like to this weblog any time that you'd like. I get the impression from Jeff that eventually this weblog will be decommissioned, so please get your posts in while it's still up and running.
A huge thank you to Toni
for giving me permission to place the above picture on Scott's weblog. I think that this is one of the best pictures I've ever seen of Scott. It is from July 4, 2000. It was Scott's last 4th of July spent with his SLC friends. Here is one that's a little dark, but it's from that same party with some of us pulling "retard faces":
Scott's brother Jeff is to Scott's right in the blue MTX shirt. This picture is also courtesy of Toni.
The funeral and wake for Scott is over. It was everything I had hoped it would be, and on a personal level it helped me to move on some, and I suspect it did the same for the many people in attendance. I would estimate at least 100 people showed for the funeral. Jeff , his older brother Bill and his wife Sharyl spoke, as did their sister Tanya. Kimberly Wren (Bill's daughter) gave the opening prayer. There was beautiful singing by Roger Bean and & Jana Van Dyke, and Elvis Costello's music played in the background when we arrived and as we left. There was also an open invitation for any of Scott's friends and family to pay tribute to Scott through sharing memories of him. I would say that at least 10 people took this opportunity to speak of Scott. The entire service was very moving and healing, I thought.
The following quote was on the cover of the program:
"You'll see me off in the
distance, I hope,
at the other end
of the telescope"
The following was printed on the backside of the program (what is this from, Jeff?):
Do not stand at my grave and weep,
I am not there, I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow,
I am the diamond glints on snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain,
I am the gentle autumn's rain.
When you awaken in the morning's hush,
I am the uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the soft star that shines at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry.
I am not there, I did not die.
I also wanted to mention that Scott's wake was held at Jerry McPhie's house. Jerry is a very close friend to Jeff and Scott, and actually was Scott's roommate at one point. We all owe a huge debt of gratitude to Jerry for hosting this. Jerry also hosted Scott's going away bash, when he moved to Denver. It was a wonderful time, and something that we all needed. Many thanks to Jerry.
Friday, August 02, 2002
Scott Allen Vice Our loving son, brother, uncle and friend, Scott Allen, 37, passed away July 29, 2002, in Denver, Colo. Scott, a twin to Jeff, was born Feb. 2, 1965, in San Gabriel, Calif., to Vital Joseph Vice and Zelda Christine Pyles. He grew up in Payson, Utah, graduating from Payson High School in 1983. A loyal Ute fan, Scott received his Bachelor's of Science in Psychology from the University of Utah in 1999. He was currently attending the University of Denver, where he was pursuing a Ph.D in Clinical Psychology, specializing in Childhood Psychological Disorders. He was working as a researcher in the University of Denver's Twins Lab. Scott had an insatiable thirst for knowledge and the pursuit of truth, coupled with a childlike sense of wonder. He was an avid reader of everything from classic literature to contemporary comic books. He was a toy collector and an enthusiastic disc golfer. He was a fan of animation, as well as independent and foreign cinema. He had a great love for children and was adored as "Uncle Scotty" by his nieces and nephews. Kind and gentle, the world is a better place for having had Scott in it. "Be seeing you" He is survived by his mother of Payson; brothers Bill (Sharyl) Wren, Pleasant Grove; Jeff Vice, Salt Lake City; sister Tanya Rekow, Salt Lake City; nieces and nephews Kimberly, Nathan, Karina and Michael Wren; Jaramy (Melissa) Hathaway; Tiffany, Beau, Shaun and Caitlyn Clark. He was preceded in death by his father, brother Mark Wren and his grandparents. A memorial service will be held at 1:00 p.m. on Saturday, Aug. 3, 2002, at Walker Mortuary, 587 S. 100 W., Payson, Utah. Friends may call from 11:45 to 12:45 p.m. Interment, Salem City Cemetery. In lieu of flowers, contributions toward funeral expenses will be accepted.
Thursday, August 01, 2002
Hello. This is Dylan, a friend of Scott's. I just wanted to post here for those of you who haven't read Scott's brother's (Jeff Vice) comments on the comments system: Scott Allen Vice was found dead in his apartment Monday, July 29th. Jeff wanted me to convey how sorry he is for us all. He is also grateful that Scott had so many wonderful friends... and that you were all able to have him as your friend, as well.
If Jeff has anything else he wants mentioned, there will be additional postings.
For my part, I wish to convey my personal grief and express my deepest sympathies to Jeff, Scott's entire family, and all of his friends. He will be sorely missed. If you wish to ask questions, please feel free to contact me