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Thursday, January 31, 2002

It's been my day to play

Went over to pick up my bike (I rode it a short ways back home, and had forgotten how much I dearly love that vehicle), then went to lunch with the girl. Nothing like decent French onion soup, bruschetta, and grilled ahi tuna with wasabi taters. They went a little light on the wasabi, unfortunately, but the rest was great. Unfortunately, now I feel like I need a nap.

posted by Skattieboy @ 3:55 PM

Does this strike you as suspicious, too?

Check this shit out. Why do I have a feeling this is just a first step by the administration? Am I just paranoid?

posted by Skattieboy @ 3:52 PM

I get the weirdest visitors, I swear

First The Wizard, and now Evil Brit Chick... I'm honored, but I wonder what it is that draws them here? Surely there are bigger oddballs...

posted by Skattieboy @ 7:55 AM

You know you're tired when...

I woke up this morning, having passed out around midnight, I looked up at my clock and it was nearly 7. Very unusual for me. Even worse, I went to make the bed and found it incredibly easy, since I had scarcely even moved. Can you say coma? I knew you could.

It's a light day for me today, so I really should get some work done after my social psych proseminar. But I just want to play, honestly. Go get my bike (it's in the shop, getting a tune-up, but I can't ride it since it friggin' snowed last night), go get some comics, and just relax.

I haven't really decided what to do for my birthday yet. I have any number of folks pestering me (John, Kristen and Jonathan, Ben and Jackie, and my roomies), but have been sort of waiting for the evasive girl to tell me what she wants to do. I'm not really that passive-aggressive, but I also know that if I just go out and make plans, there's likely to be some upset.

I also found out I'll have to host a clinical applicant in a few weeks. Here, in my tiny apartment with no stove and the funkiest shower you've ever seen. *sigh* Talk about not giving a good impression of grad life...

posted by Skattieboy @ 7:53 AM
Wednesday, January 30, 2002

Done!

Well, it came down to that last minute with the application (I was printing the copies of the signed document at 3:15, with a scheduled 3:30 pickup). But it's finished and away. I feel as if I I passed a 50-pound kidney stone.

Miraculously, I also finished the draft of my neuropsych report.

Relieved? You bet. Sadly, now I have to worry about what I missed in stats today and getting started on the stats homework.

Oh, and sleep. Sweet, wonderful sleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep...

posted by Skattieboy @ 5:31 PM

So, anyway...

I'm close to done with that report draft (I'm getting to be somewhat experienced at writing them by now), and am getting together with my advisor to add the last few changes to my application. After that, I promise you may get to read about something a little more interesting.

And yes, we have been spending time together. I don't think we could stop if we tried. I think we're both tired and worn, and just seek each other out. Well, actually, it's been her seeking me out. But I haven't done any complaining or turning away, either.

posted by Skattieboy @ 7:48 AM
Tuesday, January 29, 2002

And I'm probably opening myself up for ridicule by admitting this, but...

We went to dinner last night and she spent the night. Just studying, no funny business.

Go ahead. Mock away. I know you're dying to do so.

posted by Skattieboy @ 3:25 PM

So Bad Religion is pretty good report writing music

I probably have about an hour's worth of work on my neuropsych report draft (which would probably be shortened if I didn't have to get up to windmill my arms and air guitar occasionally). It's nice to be getting stuff done.

I'm also meeting with my mentor in about an hour to discuss my application draft, so keep your fingers crossed that any changes to be made are only minor at this point.

posted by Skattieboy @ 3:24 PM

Still a very busy boy

Been plugging away at the application (it's almost ready to go, with some minor changes, I think).

Meanwhile, I found this interesting. Considering there hasn't been an entertaining "Bond" film in years, how hypocritical is it for them to go after the producers of "Austin Powers", whose parody will surely revive interest in their lame franchise?

posted by Skattieboy @ 11:21 AM
Monday, January 28, 2002

Nothing shaking, really

Still didn't get the suggested changes document back from my mentor and couldn't work on it. Instead, I watched an "ER" repeat I'd already seen (enjoyed it, anyway) and chatted with her a bit on the phone (because of course we can't resist the urge to talk, just like we can't stay away from each other). We were both tired and a bit snippy, in that defensive, "I love you, but I'm hurt and mad at you" way. And, having turned in at 12:30, that 6:30 call to go to the gym was just too early.

posted by Skattieboy @ 8:35 AM
Sunday, January 27, 2002

So something tells me

That despite the invite to go to the gym with my roomies, I won't be going tomorrow.

My mom really made me laugh today, by the way, commenting on my noted tendency to get involved with these sadly messed-up women.

posted by Skattieboy @ 10:22 PM

Courtesy of my brother

A little quote from the sadly missed "The Tick": "Destiny dressed you this morning, my friend, and now fear is trying to take off your pants. If you give up, if you give in, you'll end up naked with fear just standing there, laughing at your dangling unmentionables!"

posted by Skattieboy @ 10:00 PM

So I got that done

I sent off the draft of my Fellowship application and am expecting some suggested corrections back, so I'll be working on that. Probably not tonight, but maybe tomorrow night. And I got some work done on the neuropsych report, too.

Yay to my Rams for making it to the Super Bowl again, so I have something to root for.

Oh, and thanks to everyone for the kind and thoughtful words of support and advice. I'm really thinking.

posted by Skattieboy @ 9:31 PM

Ain't it the truth?

Although you are right on the ball at the moment, with five planets continuing to move through your own sign, you may also find that you need to get your feet on the ground. This is especially true on Monday when the Sun conjuncts Neptune, which could make you consider some unrealistic plans, and give you the urge to actually put them into practice without doing enough homework. Fortunately this phase only lasts until Tuesday, but nevertheless, do take care when you sign anything, or if you feel the impulse to settle a deal or even start a romance on the spur of the moment. Venus is aspecting Pluto, which could indicate that there are more powerful and unconscious energies than you might think working in certain situations. What could appear as a harmless piece of fun may turn out to take quite a chunk out of your time and life. In general, there is so much going on that you may find yourself trying to do a very complicated dance, weaving a variety of activities into a short space of time. Events may appear to take shape and then die back very fast, almost as though life has speeded up, and the hours and minutes are flashing by more quickly than normal.

posted by Skattieboy @ 12:11 PM

I did do some work on my application, by the way

Then Tom came over and we drank some beers, grabbed a slice'a, then dropped by John's for a while. Then it was back to Tom's place to hang out with him and Rachel, and the first episode of "Six Feet Under" (what a great friggin' series, by the way). I was falling asleep from stress reaction and beer, so then I just came back, tried to watch the stuff I taped on Thursday (yay to Dave Foley on a very funny episode of "The Tick" and boo to my TV reception for messing up my recording of "ER"), watched an "ER" repeat, and then turned in.

It's scaring me how often my Saturdays are starting to sound exactly the same.

posted by Skattieboy @ 9:30 AM

All my advisors tell me

It's time to cut my losses and just end it now. I hung out with John (and he was a bit wiggy, because his car got totalled by some idiot who ran a red light. He was okay, though, and it may be good for him, as it gets him out of his lease arrangement for the car, I think) and then Tom and Rachel, explaining the situation a bit. And each and every one of them was amazed that I have put up with as much as I have.

I don't know. I have a hard time giving up on someone and just letting go, and I'd really like to believe it doesn't have to be that way. We're taking a break until Friday (and I mean to stick by it), and then I guess we'll re-appraise.

We'll see.

posted by Skattieboy @ 9:23 AM
Saturday, January 26, 2002

So this was my shitty evening

Went to the bar with some of the other grad students and felt totally out of place, then hung out with my friend Ben for a while, drinking home brew and watching "Swingers". But I was tired and just really wanted to go home.

I came back here to find her waiting for me, tired and irritable (even though she knew I was going out and declined the invitation). She had another bad run-in with her research mentor, and had her wallet returned, sans credit cards and money, so she's pretty broke until the first of the month. And her friend, who I thought was sweet and liked me, had fed her all this BS about who she thought I was. So needless to say, with both of us tired and irritable, we fought. And nothing was resolved. I told her we needed a break, because this kind of stuff is just wearing us both out. So I went to bed tired and upset, woke up tired and upset, and I'm not looking forward to doing the things I need to do this weekend.

posted by Skattieboy @ 9:43 AM

I really wish

You could be drawn to nature in some way today, Scott. Maybe you will visit a park or the beach. You could be attracted to beautiful settings that relax and recharge you. You'll enjoy Mother Nature and her positive energy right now. Try to get outside and pick up some sunrays. Or sit for a while in a quiet park and commune with nature. You'll soon feel calmer and more relaxed.

(Uh, yeah. Sure. I'm going to be inside, working on that application.)

posted by Skattieboy @ 9:37 AM
Friday, January 25, 2002

Still working on it

I met with my mentor and got some good pointers, but there's still a helluva lot of work to do on the proposal. And I'm already tired, dammit.

posted by Skattieboy @ 3:29 PM

Can you tell I'm procrastinating?

I should have gotten up to go to the gym with my roomies this morning, but I didn't get to bed until late. And I should be showering and then working on my fellowship application (it's due next Thursday).

posted by Skattieboy @ 9:44 AM

Thanks for the presents, Jeff

My very sweet evil twin sent me some stuff off my wishlist for our shared birthday. And I have to say the new Filthy Thieving Bastards and Flogging Molly cds are pretty dandy. Nice traditional Irish-flavored stuff with a punkish twist.

posted by Skattieboy @ 9:43 AM

One of those surreal moments

As we were driving back to her place to pick up my present last night, we passed a paramedics scene, with an ambulance, fire truck, police car, and stopped car (with the driver speaking to a police officer). And we could clearly see the paramedics working on the form of a pasty white, unmoving, prone, nude body. Needless to say, it was very jarring.

posted by Skattieboy @ 9:40 AM

Wellllllllllllllllllll

She got back late from yoga, so we ended up bagging the idea of "I Am Sam" (we couldn't have made it in time, and I'm not really all that sad) and went to see "The Royal Tenenbaums" instead. And then we stuck around and sneaked into "Amelie" (our third time seeing it). She fell asleep with her head on my shoulder, and then had to take me over to make me hot chocolate and gave me my Christmas present (a very nice collected edition of the C.S. Lewis "Narnia" books). Thought was given to me spending the night, but I have to get up early to work on the app some more and then go to class. Plus, it wouldn't have been good, I think.

She did acknowledge that she was being unfair, by the way. And she broke down a bit this afternoon. She is trying, and so am I. It's going to take time and effort.

posted by Skattieboy @ 1:39 AM
Thursday, January 24, 2002

Ack!

O, what a fun day I have mapped out.

I'm working on a fellowship application that's due next Thursday (!) and I have to get together with the admissions team to decide who to invite (from prospective students to the program). And we may try to squeeze in a movie sneak preview ("I Am Sam") somewhere.

posted by Skattieboy @ 12:38 PM

My little soap opera

So I had a very thoughtful conversation with her last night... 'Rene, you would be proud to know I really stood up for myself and laid it out there, that I'm tired of the emotional yo-yoing, going back and forth between growing closer and then getting pushed away when she freaks out about intimacy. I really tried to make the point so she would understand that it hurts and it bothers me a lot.

I don't mean to paint a gloomy picture here. When things are going well, they're really good. She is a beautiful, kind woman, and we communicate very well. But she has a lot to think about and work on before she can really commit to any kind of serious relationship, I think (and she'd acknowledge that). So I made the point that we should probably cool things off. Not that I'm giving up or want to give up on her, but it's just too hard, for both of us, where we're at right now and the interaction pattern we've been having. And maybe if we really stick to the plan, work on our own stuff, and see where things might go, then there will be something better in the future. I hope so.

posted by Skattieboy @ 7:59 AM

So this isn't even really pertinent, but

You usually like to go with the flow, Scott. You tend to trust other people and like to be honest and open with them. But today there could be some competitors lurking about. Don't reveal your true thoughts to people. Try to see if there is a political situation brewing at work. There might be some undercurrents that are controversial. If you keep your eyes and ears open, you'll soon know the score!

posted by Skattieboy @ 7:51 AM
Wednesday, January 23, 2002

A perfect example

So, mere minutes after typing that, she called. Angry, because she left her cellphone at the Scandinavian place and she came home to find a mean note from her landlord because we had forgotten to dispose of a box properly last night. And she was tired.

And, somehow I took all that. Knowing none of it was my fault, that she was taking it all out on me because she's been so into seeing me that she's messing up other aspects of her life, forgetting stuff, and lacking sleep.

But I just can't take it. After all the gains, to feel it sliding backwards, back to where it was, with all the petty recriminations (which honestly boil down to her getting close and then finding excuses to push me away)...

I'm tired, too. I don't want to think about it right now.

posted by Skattieboy @ 7:43 PM

You might have guessed

That by my silence I've been spending time with her. It's true.

We stayed up late last night, doing stats homework together, going to dinner, and rearranging her place a bit. I made up the spare bed, too. Really.

Then we wound up going to pick up some stuff for her at the Scandinavian antiques place and she fed me salmon and gouda omelet and got me a little French pastry treat (my other one eventually got stale and crunched). And I'm reading a letter she wrote me. I'd like to share, but I probably shouldn't.

posted by Skattieboy @ 5:33 PM
Tuesday, January 22, 2002

Not much new to report between then and now

I talked to her for a little while via phone and watched some taped TV from Sunday, read a little, and went to bed. Honestly, I think both of us are trying to process what's been going on, since things seem to have changed. We've both blurted out the "L" word to each other, to the point where we're comfortable expressing it, and we're both freely talking about what we're thinking and feeling.

But that still doesn't make for a functional relationship, y'know? There's still a lot of muddle for both of us to think through. I'm encouraged, but wary.

And listening to Guided by Voices.

posted by Skattieboy @ 7:39 AM
Monday, January 21, 2002

I opted for "Lord of the Rings"

She came over to tell me that her friend really liked me, but also noted that it went so well that it scared her. That she felt she needed space to think, which is really fine. But I also got the feeling it was a reaction to opening up.

*sigh*

One step forward, two steps back.

I enjoyed the movie again, by the way.

posted by Skattieboy @ 8:22 PM

Um, yeah

So yesterday's late start ended up being later than even I imagined, requiring a further change in plans. We were thinking of going to the ghost town (South Park, for those keeping track at home) and spending the night there, then coming back early in the morning, so I could pick John up at the airport.

When it hit 5 pm and we still weren't moving, that plan got changed, too. Instead, we were watching taped music videos from the 80's (who knew Ozzie was on "Solid Gold"? Certainly not me), then went off to a quaint little Russian cafe (yum to little pasta dumplings stuffed with potatoes and mushroom gravy and drinking shots of black currant vodka) and came back to watch the first episode of "Twin Peaks". Time just seemed to flow by very quickly, until it was suddenly 2 am. So I ended up waking really early to come back here and get John's car, then rushing out to the airport to get him (the guy at the ticket booth was a freak, by the way), coming back, and going to breakfast with her (yum to spinach and feta omelets and yay to funny talk about politically correct casting for "Lord of the Rings").

And now I'm in a bit of a bind over whether to come up with an excuse to blow off Jonathan on that film and going to see "The Royal Tenenbaums" with her (my second viewing and her first).

Sometimes I just suck.

posted by Skattieboy @ 12:14 PM

Hmmmmmm...

Partnerships of all kinds play a central role on the stage of your life today, Scott. Although one aspect of a certain relationship may appear to be over, it is far from ending. Just beginning a whole new phase. Any anxiety you now feel is due to the fear of the unknown, but things will turn out well as long as you can be flexible and adaptable. When making any decisions take the long range rather than the short-term view.

posted by Skattieboy @ 11:42 AM
Sunday, January 20, 2002

Change of plans

She and her friend stayed up late, talking and watching a video, so they got started very late. So there won't be a movie, after all, but brunch at the French place and then driving down to a ghost town to explore and take some photos. Good thing I'm taping the programs...

posted by Skattieboy @ 12:23 PM

Quiet events between then and now

I just laid on my futon, alternating between a disappointing "SNL" (Jack Black was good, and it was nice to see Tenacious D, but the skits just seemed uninspired) and a great "ER" repeat (Lucy and Carter got stabbed. Although I want to point out that actual violent incidents by folks with schizophrenia are very rare). And she called me late, just to talk, and to let me know that they went by the Scandinavian place, and the piece we both loved (but neither of us could afford), this massive wall unit, got sold. Then I read a bit (comic books, nothing enlightening, although I was surprised at the depth of some of the stories) and turned in.

And I've just been up, musing and listening to Burning Airlines, random thoughts turning in my head.

There are some good concerts coming to Denver this year (Bad Religion, NoFX, the Reverend Horton Heat, Jonathan Richman), by the way.

And I'm nervous to meet her friend, knowing there will probably be an evaluation after. We're going to see "In the Bedroom" and then maybe up to Boulder. And I have to make sure to record some Fox programming, just in case.

And I'm babbling.

posted by Skattieboy @ 9:41 AM
Saturday, January 19, 2002

Not much shakin', really

Just went over and hung out with Tom and Rachel, drank some beer (Samuel Smith's Pale Ale, for those keeping track at home), and watched "Next Stop Wonderland" again. I'm planning to alternate between "SNL" (Jack Black is on tonight) and the "ER" repeat and to turn in early.

posted by Skattieboy @ 10:08 PM

More weirdness

So I dropped John off at the airport, and I was driving back listening to the Beastie Boys, feeling good, when I was possessed to switch tapes and put in Sebadoh. And "Think (Let Tomorrow Bee)" was where the tape was cued.

Excuse the melodrama in the lyrics, but appreciate how it struck me...

"If all we have is a question, there's no hope to find a future
But something in me cries for you
It feels too real this time
I think I love you, though I don't know what love means
Girl of my dreams, or a friend that one day leaves
Could I trust this when I've lied to myself before?
Will I do it all again to taste what I've imagined we could be?"

Yeah, I feel a bit raw. Like a scab that's come off about two days too early.

posted by Skattieboy @ 12:11 PM

Life is weird sometimes...

So I had a visitor. The Wizard. Jeff can grasp why this is funny, I think.

posted by Skattieboy @ 12:04 PM

Sorry I've been so vague

Things have just been happening in a blur here, and I haven't had the time to post nor the time to really reflect on them. And I'm still really confused about what's happened and is happening, so if I make no sense, remember that.

In essence, after it seemed like we were bound for a break-up, which I was becoming resolved to, things changed. We talked on Sunday and I wound up spending the night (sleeping on the couch, though, since I was confused and not really wanting to push the boundaries). Then she came over Monday night and we stayed out playing pool and just enjoying being together. It was lovely, in that it kind of reminded me what I like so much about her (just being able to relax and enjoy each other's company). I put her on a bus home and went to bed that night.

Tuesday rolled around, and she had a plan to pick up her car. She was in such a hurry running out the door that she left her wallet and keys at the bus stop... So she somehow managed to pick up her car and then we had to run to the county courthouse for her to fight an expired registration ticket... It was an ordeal. And bear in mind that she didn't have her keys. So we somehow got her landlord to let her in and I sneakily ran off and made copies of those keys. And then we came back here, and exhaustedly fell asleep.

And somehow, in all that, I forgot to finish the stuff for my case presentation on Wednesday. So I had to scramble madly to get it done, didn't double-check my scoring, and hence had them all messed up. It was an embarrassing muddle.

Tired and frazzled, I came back to find her waiting. And acting differently somehow. More vulnerable. And open. And she wanted to buy me dinner, so we went off to a very nice dinner, and came back. And neither of us wanted her to go home. And that was when we really just kind of opened up to each other about how we were feeling. It was like we were both so tired of fighting and being defensive that the walls just came down, and she said those three little words that didn't just break down my resolve.

Anyway, her friend is in town from San Francisco, and she wants me to meet her, so that'll happen sometime this weekend. And we'll see how it goes. I'm still feeling wary, and I know things could change. They seem very tenuous. But, for now, I'm also happy.

posted by Skattieboy @ 9:06 AM

So my thrilling evening...

I walked back out to the comics shop (more for the exercise than anything else), then hung out with John. First there was a stop at Taco Bell (cheapo food of choice), then over at his place so he could grab his stuff for his flight today. There was also some Playstation 2 playing (I sucked), some of "A Fistful of Dollars" on DVD (Sergio Leone = God), some "Golden Tee" at a different bar (I sucked some more), and then back to pass out to "MASH"...

posted by Skattieboy @ 8:42 AM

More of the stars speaking to me

Or not...

Activities that require focus or creativity will be important to you today, Scott. But even more, a greater than normal supply of physical strength and energy will encourage you to do something active. If you've been feeling sluggish, tired, or even a little under the weather, today may be the end of that. Go ahead and work off some of that energy. You'll feel like a million bucks afterward.

posted by Skattieboy @ 8:37 AM
Friday, January 18, 2002

Y'know

Y'all could be better guests and let me know when there are typos in my posts, realizing that typos drive me completely insane (especially when I find them days after the fact)...

So today should be interesting... Going from admissions meeting to neuropsych case feedback session to class to lunch with a faculty candidate in a 4 hour period... After that, I'm just gonna come home and crash.

posted by Skattieboy @ 7:41 AM

My exciting evening

Jonathan had to cancel on the movie (he and K. are looking at townhouses, which would be lovely, since they're much closer to my locale), so instead I took a very cold walk out to the comics store, ate some leftovers that were in danger of going bad, looked at comics, tried to watch some TV (I taped both "The Tick" and "ER" because I had a feeling I might fall asleep), and then turned in early for the first time in weeks...

posted by Skattieboy @ 7:32 AM

The stars say...

Scott, the famous philosopher! Well, OK, maybe not. But you may find yourself feeling more deeply philosophical about life today. Of course, it's not always easy to talk about politics or religion with someone who's more interested in their putting technique, but you do have a computer and a modem. Not all the chat rooms are full of kids. Poke around for a while and you might find a group of like-minded people. You might actually enjoy getting connected with a different group and reading all their interesting comments.

posted by Skattieboy @ 7:29 AM
Thursday, January 17, 2002

So I'm being told I'm being vague or evasive

I am tired. But I might as well admit why... I spent most of the last 5 days with her. I know I shouldn't have, but we really couldn't stay apart. I don't know why. But it's like we wore down each other's defenses, and just started relating. Really.

Whether that's enough? I really couldn't say. There's still a lot that would have to be worked out before we could ever really have something. But at least things have changed. And, silly as it sounds, just the fact that she said it changed my mind, softened my resolve.

posted by Skattieboy @ 8:40 PM

No movie tonight

But I think that's a good thing. I am so friggin' tired that I can't believe it. And confused.

posted by Skattieboy @ 6:56 PM

Figures, doesn't it?

You are one morose motherfucker. Everytime something goes the way you want it to in life, as soon as it is at its peak, it always comes crashing down to hit you in the face. That factors in with your almost always unreachable goals, and that you always manage to say the wrong things at the wrong time. If you just get a haircut and quit trying to make the impossible happen, you're going to be much better off.

Take The "Which Kevin Smith Male Are You?" Quiz!!





posted by Skattieboy @ 6:51 PM

And I think...

That I'll be seeing "Fellowship of the Ring" (I refuse to call it "Lord of the Rings") again with Jonathan tonight.

posted by Skattieboy @ 8:29 AM

I'm probably driving my roomies nuts

After all, I've been listening to the same Sloan album ("Navy Blues") over and over for days.

posted by Skattieboy @ 8:28 AM

Oh, and my case presentation went horribly

But I'll discuss it later. There's a great Elvis Costello quote, but I can't remember it exactly, and I hate paraphrasing.

posted by Skattieboy @ 8:07 AM

I'm just gonna come out and say...

"I'm sorry". There are some blogging posts out there are so completely worthy of some contribution, some love if you will, and I just haven't had the time to do that.

It's been a long, bewildering 72 hours. And there's no sign that anything's any clearer than it was before. After feeling down, but resolved to things being over, there's been a dramatic shift. As I said before, I don't think we could stay apart even if we wanted to. But (that said) nothing's been resolved. We're both confused and confusing, tired and worn-down, and very raw. But the walls are down, too.

posted by Skattieboy @ 8:06 AM
Wednesday, January 16, 2002

Sometimes these things are scary...

Your instinct to be helpful might kick into overdrive today, Scott. Wonderful! If you take just a minute to glance around, you'll find someone who's feeling swamped or frustrated, and your offer of a helping hand will be very appreciated. This is a "feel good about yourself" sort of day, and you'll find that the feeling you get from helping out is its own reward. Jump right in there and help out. They'll appreciate it.

posted by Skattieboy @ 7:35 AM

God, I am so stupid

I don't even know where to begin. Sadly, the story will have to wait for a while, since I believe I'll be busy working on my neuropsych case presentation in the morning. There's a story there, believe you me.

posted by Skattieboy @ 1:03 AM
Tuesday, January 15, 2002

Ack! Not just a courtesy handshake, I assure you...

Somehow, in discussing the new "Asian Bastard" family of weblogs, I left out the lovely and talented Kevin Razban ... I apologize, and exhort you to make up for my inadvertant snub.

posted by Skattieboy @ 8:01 AM

Just about ready

Coffee'd-up, listened to Sloan a couple times between last night and this morning, and the handouts are ready. I just need to print it out, make copies, and make sure I'm awake to lead discussion.

Uh, yeah. I am just blathering.

posted by Skattieboy @ 7:45 AM

Uh-oh

I think Asian Bastard may have figured me out. It might be time to send out the hit squads: I'm pretty sure there's some kind of sinister hidden symbolism in Skattie's new blog template, but I haven't figured it out yet. Lest ye think I'm nuts, check this out: if you divide the number of characters in Skattieboy's URL into the Number of the Beast, 666, you get -- I'm not kidding -- 31.714285714. Need I say more?

posted by Skattieboy @ 7:37 AM
Monday, January 14, 2002

Duh. No sh*t.

You might need to stick to a schedule today, Scott. You could find that you have many tasks to complete. You could be working, handling chores at home, and running important errands. You might want to make a careful list of all of the things you want to finish. It could be easy to forget something. You might have a lot on your mind, and you could be a little distracted.

posted by Skattieboy @ 11:02 PM

Haven't been up to much, really

Got a pep talk from my research advisor about my grant application today, worked on my presentation, got a slice or two of pizza, played some pool... That kind of thing. And I found out John got stood up Saturday, which sucks. I wanted to be happy for him, so I could live vicariously.

posted by Skattieboy @ 10:48 PM

Did you know...?

Asian Bastard has been trying on new clothes, too... Go take a look.

And go visit Miss Elle, while you're at it.

posted by Skattieboy @ 10:46 PM

I'm hearing the template isn't working right in some browsers

If true, let me know, okay? I'd like to figure out if it's the code or just that the comments are slowing down the load.

posted by Skattieboy @ 8:25 AM

Sorry...

I didn't sleep well, so I'm scattered this morning. Nothing much up, except for some thoughts and determinations. It might be lack of sleep, but I'm feeling better with those thoughts. But who knows what sleep will do to that peace of mind?

posted by Skattieboy @ 8:17 AM

And the forecast for today says...

Re-organizing could be the theme for you today, Scott. You always have ideas about how to improve things, and today you might want to apply this energy to your home. Maybe you need to get your kids on a new schedule for household chores. Or perhaps your romantic partner could assist you with plans for remodeling or redecorating your home. By day's end, whatever ideas you come up with should show signs of coming to fruition.

posted by Skattieboy @ 8:15 AM
Sunday, January 13, 2002

God, I hope so

A collection of planets in your sign at the beginning of the week certainly give you plenty to think about and also to fantasize about, as the Moon conjuncts Neptune and also trines Saturn. The Moon often acts like a timepiece marking out the moments and hours when specific events will occur. Bearing this in mind, you may take the first steps toward a long-term plan, idea, or ideal, which means changes to aspects of your lifestyle. It is as though you suddenly grasp hold of something that has been hovering on the edge of your consciousness for some time, and decide to take action to bring it into existence. It may involve changing your beliefs, or your diet or exercise regimen, but it will also bring you a great deal of pleasure. The Sun and Venus still continue to move through Capricorn, and this means that you are somewhat reluctant to throw yourself fully into life, but this will only be for a few days more - so make the most of it. At the end of the week, Mars moves into Aries, and Venus and the Sun move into your own sign. Suddenly you are firing on all cylinders and nothing can hold you back.

posted by Skattieboy @ 11:51 AM

Having trouble getting started

I took my shower and went over to the grocery store, came back, and now I just can't seem to settle down. There's this perverse part of me that hopes she'll call.

I really thought talking about this would make me feel better, but it only seems to be making it worse.

posted by Skattieboy @ 11:50 AM

Is there something wrong with me?

I really wonder. I just seem to have this tendency to get involved with these pretty, damaged women (there have been a few notable exceptions) and fall into this pattern, where I can't find my way out. I don't know whether I'm drawn to them or they to me, or a combination of things, but it really bites.

posted by Skattieboy @ 9:34 AM

So the daily astrology says

Try not to be too aggressive, Scott. The energy of the day could fill you with a sense of boldness. You might think that you know everything about a particular subject, but don't allow yourself to have too much pride. You might not know as much as you think! Instead, adopt a more humble attitude. Invite others to join you in discussion, and don't be intimidating or critical of them.

I actually think there's little chance of that. I'm feeling very mopey this morning (have actually been since I got home from dinner) and the plan for the day is to watch some playoff games, stay warm, study, and prepare for my Tuesday presentation. So I really don't see how that forecast is pertinent.

posted by Skattieboy @ 9:07 AM
Saturday, January 12, 2002

A pretty good evening

"Gosford Park" was okay... Some nice performances, but not really living up to what I expected, I guess. But hanging out with them was great, and a nice way for me to just forget my troubles. Afterwards, there was good Mexican food, and now there's an "ER" repeat.

Must remind myself not to call her. It's been good to just let it go and forget, and I don't need to stir the pot right now.

posted by Skattieboy @ 10:41 PM

We now pause for station identification...

You're reading Skattieblog, brought you by Little Debbie's Fudge Brownies and the letter "Q." Tune in often.

posted by Keith @ 6:22 PM

Hey, at least people are inviting me to do stuff

I can't really feel too miserable, since Ben called to see if I wanted to tap into the homebrew and watch the playoff game tonight. But I already had plans to see "Gosford Park" and grab dinner with Kristen and Jonathan...

Oh, and there's an outside chance I could get a two-bedroom place with John when my lease is up. He needs to move soon, since he's getting kicked out (new owners in his building), and he may not want to make up the extra rent until then, but it might be a good thing. We'll see.

posted by Skattieboy @ 4:57 PM

Poot!

"The Tick" got cancelled. Stupid, stupid Fox.

(I am hoping I ironed out some of the mistakes I made in editing the template, by the way.)

posted by Skattieboy @ 1:15 PM

Okaaaaaaaaaay

Let's see if this works. I installed the new template, courtesy of the wonderful Meredith, and I still have a little work (to see if the archives work, and I'll eventually switch the other pages over to a revised version of this template, too).

I updated the "About Me" and "Links" pages, but not extensively.

And I'm listening to Wilco over and over.

posted by Skattieboy @ 9:08 AM

Gawwwwwwwwwd

I don't even feel like dealing with her today. I just want to go to breakfast with my friends, work on my schoolwork, and maybe go to dinner and a movie with Jonathan and Kristen.

posted by Skattieboy @ 8:46 AM

Y'know...

I saw those figures from "Monty Python and the Holy Grail", and they really don't look all that good. Dammit.

posted by Skattieboy @ 12:30 AM

So, anyway

She found her wallet and keys, because they were turned in, after all. So she went home, and I was supposed to meet her over there to eat dinner and watch a video. Well, I got done with my testing session and called and she wasn't there. I figured maybe she'd taken a bath and gone to sleep or gone to get her car. But I waited a while and no call. So John and I went off and got decent Asian fare, went cd shopping, and came back to watch "Blue", only to find that she'd called, and was pissed, figuring I'd blown her off. And she wouldn't listen to my apologies.

I'm at my wit's end, folks.

posted by Skattieboy @ 12:21 AM

Amen to Astrologers.com

Are you disappointed about something, Scott? Well, if you are, maybe your expectations were too high, or your hopes too outrageous. Don't get hung-up on it; think about it in a positive way: at least now you know where you are standing, and can work towards a new goal, create new hopes, and have new expectations. This time, be a bit more reasonable and realistic. That way you won't get disappointed again.

posted by Skattieboy @ 12:17 AM
Friday, January 11, 2002

Oh my God

Do I ever feel like shit...

So I already felt poopy from the cold, and then I took Nyquil for that, so I could sleep. Instead, we watched some of "Barcelona" and stayed up late talking. And I've been paying for it all day. I don't know how I'm going to get through IQ testing.

posted by Skattieboy @ 2:00 PM

Yeah, that sure worked

Great idea for how to fix my problems publishing Blogger...

Schmucks.

posted by Skattieboy @ 10:38 AM

Ugh...

She had a terrible day and turned to me.

Yes, I'm a sucker. You can say it. I can't stop being a dope. And I don't think we can really stay away from each other.

There was dinner at a pretty good Italian restaurant, a little birthday get-together for one of my roomies, and some of "Barcelona" was watched.

posted by Skattieboy @ 9:05 AM
Thursday, January 10, 2002

So how are y'all doing?

I'm still sick, and horribly confused about where things stand with the girl, but otherwise pretty jolly. I think. I'm glad I can finally put some more stuff down for perpetuity, but now I'm not sure where all those thoughts went.

posted by Skattieboy @ 7:46 AM

The astrological forecast for the day...

Your emotions could be up and down today, Scott, so try not to take out your nervous energy on others. You might want to burn off the extra energy in an intense workout or an athletic jog. Or, you can work off some steam by doing major cleaning or repair work around the house. It's not the best day for lots of socializing, but you'll soon pull out of your distracted mood.

posted by Skattieboy @ 7:45 AM
Wednesday, January 09, 2002

And I think I'm also nuts

I have that sick but restless thing, where you just don't want to sit, even though you need to. So I've been thinking of walking out to the comics store, even though I know it would be more than my body could handle and there's not even anything there for me.

posted by Skattieboy @ 2:09 PM

And I'm still sick

I actually had to resort to sticking Kleenex up my nose to stop the goop from dribbling out. And I'm really exhausted and worn-out, and glad today is an easy day. It's warm, but I still want to dive back under the covers and rest, read up for my presentation next week, and relax.

Classes actually look a bit better than last quarter, and I think that would be a good thing.

posted by Skattieboy @ 1:31 PM

Okay, so the deal is...

I spent most of the last two days with her.

*sigh*

I know. I know it's bad. We both know. That she has too many demons to deal with to really make a go at a serious relationship. But it was just so easy for us to fall back into that pattern, just enjoying each other's company. Like somehow we had both relaxed our defenses and could just be with each other.

Yeah, I know it was just that. That there's still too much going on. But it was kind of nice to pretend, y'know?

posted by Skattieboy @ 1:28 PM

Sorry 'bout that

Blogger was/has been down for a while. And I've been having a weird couple of days. Not necessarily bad, just weird. I'll describe more later.

posted by Skattieboy @ 7:46 AM
Monday, January 07, 2002

Ugh

I feel like poo-poo today. I think the lack of sleep this weekend just made it easy for the cold to manifest. I had such a hard time staying awake in class that it was sad.


posted by Skattieboy @ 4:51 PM

Meanwhile

Classes start in earnest for me today. I shouldn't complain, since they look reasonable so far, but I'd really like a couple more weeks off to get my head screwed on and get rid of this stupid cold before I have to launch into academics.

posted by Skattieboy @ 8:12 AM

So, anyway...

Last night, I mostly just laid on my futon, watching TV and reading ahead for classes for a change. I really dug last night's "Futurama" (especially the 80's videogame odes) and "Malcolm in the Middle", and even sat through "The X-Files" for giggles.

Oh, and I actually remembered to watch the "ER" repeat for a change.

So I guess I'm still musing over my relationship with the girl. I'm hurt, but I think it's for the best, really. She's got too much to deal with to really put a spirited effort into a relationship with anyone, and I have my own BS to deal with. With the school loads we both have, that's asking a lot. And at least I've learned, and continue to learn, from the experience. It's not good to give so much of yourself, and I tend to do that a lot. Not that you shouldn't be willing to give to others, but when you end up being dumped on (being the person who has to deal with an enormous amount of BS that another is dealing with) it gets overwhelming.

*sigh*

posted by Skattieboy @ 8:10 AM

I wish, really wish

That my stupid settings would allow me to just automatically log in to Blogger (and yes, I do know how to enable that, but it's still not working), since I manage to forget and enter the old password every time.

posted by Skattieboy @ 8:04 AM
Sunday, January 06, 2002

There was talking, and an agreement

I'm not thrilled with it, though, even though it was my doing.

So we talked on the phone. Grievances (mostly mine) were aired, and there was a lot of spilling of guts. It was nice, from that perspective. Being able to just be honest and not hold back.

She has a lot of stuff to work through personally. And the decision was made to start over from the beginning, as friends, and then see where it leads. Putting things on equal footing.

It's for the best, really.

I'm not gonna lie and say my feelings aren't hurt, but I'm getting wiser, and learning what I need to make me happy.

posted by Skattieboy @ 5:12 PM

By the by

I watched "The Closet" on video last night. And it was amusing, managing to get me to smile and laugh for a while. A little while.

posted by Skattieboy @ 2:37 PM

Awwwwwwww...

So I was doing Twins testing this morning, with this very sweet ten-year-old girl. Turns out she's very anxious and rather depressed about her parents fighting, and really bonded with me. In chatting, she asked me, very kindly, if I wanted to go to lunch with them. And it was all I could do not to cry.

posted by Skattieboy @ 2:20 PM

So, anyway, if you're wondering

I feel wretched. Thanks for asking.

I had a rough night's sleep, and had to get up early to do more Twins data collection. So my mind is elsewhere.

Really, I'm doing okay, I think. I don't really feel like talking about it much, except to note that I think this has been a long time coming. And I've kind of been sitting and stewing on some resentments for a long time, and they finally came out. So (in my opinion) it's all over with her. There's no way to go back to the way things were and I wouldn't want to.

I'll just be sad and heartbroken for a while and get over it, like I always do. And hopefully be wiser and better off for it.

But thanks for the sympathy. Really.

posted by Skattieboy @ 7:30 AM

Good advice from one of those stupid astrological forecasts for a change

This is a good time to pay attention to your intuition, Scott. If you know how to meditate, try to spend some time relaxing your mind today. You'll gain access to some internal wisdom as you do this. If you've never meditated before, try doing some deep breathing and spending some quiet time by yourself. You might find greater clarity as you think about your life from this calm vantage point.

Easier said than done, though.

posted by Skattieboy @ 7:26 AM

I knew there had to be a silver lining...

Meredith (who really is too kind for words), sent me an e-mail with a draft of the redesign, which is just too cool for words.Give her a hand, folks.

posted by Skattieboy @ 7:24 AM
Saturday, January 05, 2002

Well, one big fight later...

And it looks like I'm a single guy again. Oh, goodie.

Don't ask me how going over to give her her Christmas present turned into that.

I'm going to go try to drown my sorrows. I'll talk about it later, trust me.

posted by Skattieboy @ 7:45 PM

Go look...

Meredith redesigned her blog. Go take a peek. And tell her to get busy redesigning mine, too.

posted by Skattieboy @ 8:08 AM

Oh, and about today

I have to work this morning. Woe is me.

posted by Skattieboy @ 7:35 AM

And, on the other hand...

Can I just say that people suck?

After lording it over the girl that I was going to her favorite restaurant (she was going to some dinner party for female grad students only, which is pretty funny when you consider the number of male students in the department, making the exclusion almost pointless. But anywho) without her, my lame friends cancelled. But even worse than that was that it left me almost without options for the evening.

It seems Tom and Rachel have decided they aren't going to hang out with John but they aren't going to tell him that, nor why (incredibly mature, yeah). So we had initially made plans to go to the restaurant (the Watercourse) for dinner. But John called me and I mentioned that, so he wanted to join us. When I mentioned that to Rachel, she decided maybe we'd go elsewhere. So, feeling like I was in an awkward situation, I told John a white lie, not wanting to hurt his feelings (and not wanting to have to break it to him that Tom and Rachel are babies).

Following me?

So Rachel decides we should go see "Endurance" first, but is going to call me back when Tom gets out of the shower. She does. Seems Tom is now feeling sick, so they're just going to stay in, since her car's in the shop and Rachel can't drive Tom's truck (it's stickshift).

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr...

So I try to call John and he's not home. I walk over to Chipotle and grab a burrito, which makes me a bit nauseous, and get to the point of boredom where I start going through my videos, when John finally calls back. A half-hour later, we're in the bar playing "Golden Tee 2002", and I'm feeling a little better. A little.

posted by Skattieboy @ 7:34 AM
Friday, January 04, 2002

Well, things are looking up, a bit

My child interview went really well (not to pat myself on the back, but my interviewing skills are really growing), I got to spend a little hanging out time with the girl, and a couple families cancelled this weekend, so I won't be doing as much testing.

Yeah, it's snowing, but it looks kinda pretty, when I'm warm inside. And I'll be going to dinner with friends and maybe a movie, and I feel pretty good.

*Cough*

posted by Skattieboy @ 5:16 PM

Stupid, friggin', not-showing-up people

There's nothing worse than getting up early, getting prepared, and then you wind up having wasted your time.

Yeah, my case cancelled. I can't really be mad, since they did at least call, with a good excuse, too. But I can still rage at the cold, callous universe, can't I?

posted by Skattieboy @ 10:34 AM

Remember those cool Halloween candies?

Y'know? The wax ones shaped like the famous monsters, and when you bit their waxy heads off, you found this sickly sweet syrup inside? They were great. I haven't seen them in a long time, and I wonder if they even make 'em anymore. But they should offer them year-round.

posted by Skattieboy @ 7:54 AM

Um, I guess I shouldn't really complain

The neuropsych case I'm working on has been interesting, at least. And even though I missed the first class in my Social Psych proseminar, the syllabus makes it look not too bad.

I went to lunch with the girl, by the way, who somehow managed to track me down in my one free moment between 8 and 5.

But I spent the rest of the day working on stuff and then just came home and vegged out.

Ordinarily, I'd have the weekend to look forward to, but I have to work. Whee.

posted by Skattieboy @ 7:27 AM

Day two of getting up early again

And the day again finds me grouchy, and even more tired.

I'm sensing a trend.

posted by Skattieboy @ 7:18 AM
Thursday, January 03, 2002

Bye bye, poll, bye bye

There weren't many responses, so it'll return when I have a topic to ask about... And it helps that I was annoyed that I misspelled "GreyMatter" and nobody told me.

I'm tired and grouchy, so just ignore me.

posted by Skattieboy @ 6:08 PM

On the long list of the things I do to pamper myself

Soft toilet paper is included. Preferably, two- or even three-ply.

posted by Skattieboy @ 7:33 AM

Woo hoo!

School starts back up again today! I'm so excited that I just want to crawl back into bed!

Um, actually, I'd better get used to getting up at this time, since it looks like I won't have a chance to sleep in for at least 7 more days. And, of course, by then I'll be so stressed out that I won't be able to stand lounging in bed.

*sigh*

In other news, the girl made it back in one piece, and she's stressed out, which stressed me out even more. The good news is that we'll both be so busy that we won't be able to see each other that much for a few days, adding to our stress.

In yet other news, I coughed up green gunk today. That can't be good.

posted by Skattieboy @ 7:32 AM

My very bad

Somehow, I neglected to credit Nic
for the link to the New Year's resolution test thinger. Blame it on the Dayquil, I guess.

posted by Skattieboy @ 7:30 AM
Wednesday, January 02, 2002

I hate MSN

Oh, yes. I do.

Have I said that before? Well, it bears repeating.

MSN bites. Hard.

posted by Skattieboy @ 9:13 PM

Yeah, attitudes are changing on mental illness

A little cheery news on the availability of mental health services for the homeless and middle class here in Colorado.

posted by Skattieboy @ 7:02 PM

Should I be a sluggard today?

I really tried to stay in bed. I did. I woke up around 7 and putzed around for a bit and then dove back under the cover, but still ended up getting up around 9:30. I think it might be that I did very little yesterday, so even though I'm sick, my body still feels restless.

Yeah, I had a lazy day yesterday. I walked to the store and got some stuff, but I mostly just stayed in and talked to some folks on the phone or instant messaging, and watched a lot of TV.

I'd like to do the same today, really, but I should get some stuff done so I'm not so stressed this week.

posted by Skattieboy @ 9:56 AM

Oops!

I forgot that I had changed my Blogger password and proceeded to try to login a couple times before it suddenly dawned on me.

posted by Skattieboy @ 9:53 AM
Tuesday, January 01, 2002

Let's see if this works

So Dylan tracked down a new "comments" system. We'll see if I can make it work and also how long they can go before their server gets overloaded.

posted by Skattieboy @ 10:01 AM

Another in a long list of stuff I've pilfered from others




Take the What Should Your New Year's Resolution Be? Quiz


posted by Skattieboy @ 9:44 AM

Best of 2001

Graphic novels

1) "Abe: Wrong for All the Right Reasons" (Glenn Dakin)
2) "Hey, Wait..." (Jason)
3) "The Collected Hutch Owen" (Tom Hart)
4) "Don't Call Me Stupid!" (Steve "Ribs" Weissman)
5) "Perfect Example" (John Porcellino)
6) "Alec: How to Be an Artist" (Eddie Campbell)
7) "Haw!" (Ivan Brunetti)

Music

1) "Ancient Melodies of the Future" (Built to Spill)
2) "Identikit" (Burning Airlines)
3) "Gorillaz" (Gorillaz)
4) "Pretty Together" (Sloan)
5) "Weezer" (Weezer)
6) "Isolation Drills" (Guided by Voices)
7) "A New Morning, Changing Weather" (the {International} Noise Conspiracy)
8) "United by Fate" (Rival Schools)
9) "B.R.M.C." (Black Rebel Motorcycle Club)

Movies

1) "Amelie"
2) "The Royal Tenebaums"
3) "Ghost World"
4) "The Fellowship of the Ring"
5) "Memento"
6) "In the Mood for Love"
7) "Happy Accidents"

TV series

1) "Six Feet Under"
2) "Samurai Jack"
3) "The Tick"
4) "The Daily Show"
5) "Malcolm in the Middle"
6) "E.R."

(I'm sad to report that, with school obligations, I didn't even read enough novels to consider rating them)

posted by Skattieboy @ 9:28 AM

Purely for my own curiosity

I counted the number of friends I saw in Salt Lake during my brief stay, not counting family. The total was 35. And people wonder why I was drained after I came back.

posted by Skattieboy @ 9:14 AM

And...

I really don't think there'll be much activity today. Maybe breakfast, and some reading, and watching football. I'd like to see "Monsters, Inc.", but it's too cold to walk over there and I'd like some company to that film. Everybody I know has seen it, doesn't want to see it (John), or is en route back here (the girl).

So doing very little sounds really good. Staying warm and resting up.

posted by Skattieboy @ 8:53 AM

So, New Year's...

It wasn't all that exciting. Went to get brunch at a new place that wasn't too bad, if a bit pretentious. I was a bit sick and laid around for a while, debating what to do for the day. I talked to some folks on the phone (including Tom, who was going to just sit around being depressed with Rachel and had decided that since she's pissed at John, he's not going to hang out with him anymore. Baby). Finally decided to accept an invite to a party with some other grad students, which was pretty mellow. There was beer-drinking, some dopey games, some eyebrow-raising behavior by one of the first year students, a bit of "Office Space", and champagne. And I wound up back here after 1:30.

posted by Skattieboy @ 8:50 AM

Happy 2002

I hope, really hope, that it's better for all of us.

Some of my resolutions:

1) To get healthier, by exercising more regularly, eating better, and running when I can.

2) Finding a nice place to live when my lease runs out in April.

3) Meeting some new people here in Denver that I can relate to.

4) Dressing better.

5) Finishing my data collection and writing up my master's research.

posted by Skattieboy @ 8:44 AM

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