Friday, December 28, 2001

A Very Skattie Christmas
a true story

Christmas Eve, Kandahar. Skattie tried not to shiver as he stood in the bitter cold of the Afghan winter, the muzzles of a dozen Taliban AK-47s trained on him and the Cub Scout troop huddled behind him. The group of gunmen parted to reveal a tall, thin man, who approached them with an enigmatic smile. Skattie recognized him at once -- OSAMA BIN LADEN!

Osama walked up to Skattie and brandished an ugly curved knife that glinted in the cold light. "American pigs," Osama snarled, "you shall pay for your sins against Islam -- with your very lives!"

The knife flashed in Osama's hand as he pulled it back for the killing blow. Suddenly, it was flying end-over-end through the air, where it buried itself in the black heart of a Taliban warrior!

"What!" Osama snarled.

Skattie lowered his foot from where he had swiftly kicked the knife out of Osama's hand. "Nice try, Osama," Skattie grinned, "now we're even!"

There was a rustle as a dozen AK-47s were raised to point straight at Skattie's head. "Come on, Osama," Skattie snapped. "Let's fight like men!" Osama raised a warning hand, and the soldiers lowered their rifles.

"Very well, American scum!" Osama cried, and launched himself at Skattie like a cat dropped into a bathtub.

Skattie became a blur, moving faster than the human eye could see! He aimed a lightning-fast kick at the airborne Osama, deflecting his trajectory and sending him crashing into a nearby sod hut.

Osama rose, his perpetually mild face now reddened and twisted in rage. "KILL HIM!!!" Osama ordered. The Taliban soldiers raised their guns. The Cub Scouts screamed in terror.

Suddenly a voice behind them boomed, "Not so fast...OSAMA!" Everyone turned to look at the newcomer. It was Eddie Van Halen!

"Say hi to Allah for me, dirtbag!" Eddie yelled, and struck a massive chord on his electric guitar that instantly killed Osama with a lethal blast of rock & roll!

Skattie ran over and shook Eddie's hand. "Thanks man!" Skattie said. "That was even better than your concert at Red Rocks in '82!"

"Just rockin' out for the US of A," Eddie replied, and launched into a killer rendition of "Eruption" as the sun set over the mountains of Afghanistan.

posted by B @ 12:06 PM

Sunday, December 23, 2001

Hmm, if you're right, Keith, flying to Philly with my family is going to be even more awkward than previously projected. Ugh. No wonder I hate traveling with my parents! Now, were I traveling alone and going through the metal detectors with a tour group of blind-but-handsome male models, I might be able to get over the temporary inconvienence of the process.

posted by mjl @ 10:00 PM

HAPPY, HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!
Happy Birthday, NYTab! I figured you'd come here, so I could leave you a birthday greeting. Welcome to yet another year; it's better than the alternative!
~Meredith

posted by mjl @ 1:48 PM

Meredith says I have to do this. Keith already knows about my blaming of others for things I do myself. Today the blame falls on: Meredith. Hi Scott. How have you been? Well I hope. Too bad you can't make it to my party as you are thousands of miles away. When are you coming to Chicago? Meredith says there's some conference in August. Come, on. Travel. See the bright lights. Experience the humidity. Have awkward experiences meeting your internet friends in real life.

Sincerely,

Jen

posted by mjl @ 1:15 PM

Saturday, December 22, 2001

Yo. I'm crashin' this party.

*starts shaking up the whippits*

posted by Tabitha @ 12:28 AM

Friday, December 21, 2001

The other day, while Scott was busy making me tea--as he knows how fond of tea I am--I was poking through his photo album, much as my dear friend Susan (below) was, and I happened to stumble upon this photo of Noam Chomsky, not only a world reknown linguist/psychologist"ish"/political pundant, but also it would seem a good friend of Scotts.
Scott--you never cease to amaze me.

I think I've figured out why he asked us to blog for him: he lacks blogger notes, thus, has no way to confirm his existance. A-ha!!! I have figured you out, you person you!

posted by mjl @ 7:44 PM

Since Everyone Else Titles His/Her Entry, So Must I -OR- A Tribute to Utah

Hi - Meredith here.
Scott, in his infinite wisdom or perhaps his infinite procrastination, sent out these lovely invites. Now, we can do his blogging for him while he's out in Utah, going through caffeine withdraw and wearing strange underwear. Did you know that the Tabernacle was built without nails? Or so I was told when I was last in Salt Lake City. Actually, it was the first and only time I was in Salt Lake City, a pretty place but I was freaked out. We ( I was with this touring singing group of teenagers. We were on our "west coast" tour and were headed towards that armpit of America: LA) were staying with this family (a huge family in my opinion, but we Lutherans tend to have small families), and when they found out that my mom was a minister, one of the children actually gasped and edged away from me. I was a little sensitive after that.

Did you know that only the faithful can go into the temple part of the Tabernacle? It's kinda like Mecca, isn't it? I wonder if the same thing goes to the whole Papal City, or whatever it's called, in Italy. How do they know if you're faithful? How do you know if you're faithful? If you're really faithful, do you question your faithfulness and would you then not go to the temple? If so, then how would you become faithful if you couldn't worship in the temple?

Oh, my head hurts. So full of questions this Friday afternoon am I.

posted by mjl @ 12:04 PM

The First Obligatory Comics-Related Post

After thirteen years in limbo, tentative steps are being taken toward a film based on Alan Moore and Dave Gibbons' seminal superhero deconstruction Watchmen. Sadly, Terry Giliam is no longer associated with the project, but David Hayter, screenwriter for the X-Men film, has been paid a million bucks for a draft. Here is a history of the project; a similar summary and thoughtful analysis of the film's prospects is here; and you can find the original draft of the 1988 screenplay here. For me, an interesting take is this interview with Darren Aronofsky (director of Pi and Requiem for a Dream) about the feasibility of such a project, and what makes the story so compelling.

posted by mkhall @ 11:20 AM

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