Friday, November 30, 2001
Maybe it’s just me, but…
provides a pretty good example of why I dig “Acme Novelty Library”
so much: As all the “great friends” and “good buds” with whom you spent nearly every day of your youth slowly begin to drift into peripheral orbits that bring them back into range of your life only once a year or two, and their forced, desperate laughter about fallow office intrigues and popular television plotlines becomes increasingly too uncomfortable to bear, you can nonetheless return to all the charming, irreverent, and ‘edgy’ “alternative” comic books that characterized your salad days with a confidence that the paper will still be relatively fleshy and supple, the staples strong and the resale value generously matured at an amortized market yield of 10 4/5 %, given current trends and assuming unfounded losses from contributing rollovers reported in the previous year.
Okay, that officially sucks
George Harrison is dead at age 58
. I know he wasn't the most influential Beatle, but still...
In an eerie coincidence, the dogs next door are barking it up and wailing away.
I had to sit at the desk at the Child Study Center, as a backup, and I walked out to the comics store in the afternoon (it was warm earlier, before the bitter cold set in). And I watched Tuesday night's episode of "24" (which I liked, but I find myself picking it apart a bit).
Oh, and I chatted a bit with Meredith
, which was nice. The advice was much appreciated, too.
Well, in encouraging news
She's still mad at me, but we still played phone tag last night until midnight, then talked until 2. There's still some pettiness going on, and finger-pointing, but we have plans for Sunday.
Thursday, November 29, 2001
More info than you probably wanted to know
had the bright idea of a kind of "blogger insider"
. And Jessica
and I are this week's subjects.
So here's what she asked and how I answered:
1. Year of your birth 1965
2. What was that home town that you left? Salt Lake City, Utah
3. major in college (undergrad) Pick one: English, Biology, Psychology.
4. why? (or: what's your grad thesis. Go ahead and get highbrow about it.) I originally thought I wanted to be a lawyer, and I was good at English. After that wore off, I wanted to go into medicine. Later, I found I was really interested in developmental disorders and how people think. So I'm hoping to figure out how to answer those questions. And the thesis will be on the tie between theory of mind and gullibility in people with autism.
5. what you really wanted to do What I'm doing. Alternately, I could be studying experiential psychology.
6. why you did not No real research going on in it that interests me. And I don't want to get pigeon-holed as a wacko.
7. enterprise theme song: what's up with that? Bad choice by some dumb "Trek" geeks? I really don't know.
8. how long will you own Infinite Jest before giving up ever reading it?
(me: 1.5yr, tossed at wall at Ch10) Well, I haven't even made it to a year yet. I did finish the first chapter, so maybe I'll try to read one per year.
9. musical taste in high school/adolescence High school: metal and some alternative. Adolescence: silly pop.
10. diurnal or nocturnal? Probably diurnal, although lately it's been nocturnal.
11. olfactory or visual? Gustatory?
12. shoes or boots? Shoes (white Chuck Taylors, the old kind).
13. cats or dogs? Dogs.
14. fog: love or hate? Love, unless I'm driving in it.
15. when you look back on it all, what do you hope you will say in
reflection? That I was good person and really helped others.
In other earth-shattering news
It is frigging cold in my basement. It was actually warmer outside today, but you wouldn't know it by my runny nose and the frost coming out of my mouth when I exhale.
Oh, and the caffeine reduction continues. I feel tired all the time, but no headaches so far,
Yeah, I know I'm all fluff today
But what are you gonna do?
Who makes up these tests, anyway?
I am 66% SKA.
Well, maybe I'm trying too hard, maybe I'm not trying hard enough. I shouldn't forget my roots, and remember that punk and reggae wouldn't exist without ska.
Take the SKA Test at Fuali.com!
It feels weird to be waking up here
Drinking my own coffee and perched on the front room futon in my chilly basement. I'm still a bit thoughtful over the events of the past week or so. Be patient as I sort through them.
Yeah, I know the comments still aren't working right
use the right code, so I'm not sure what's up. I'm kind of being cautious and not messing around too much until I find out more.
Oh, and I think I patched the right code in for comments
Let's see, shall we?
I might as well admit it. I am falling in love with her, and I feel wretched. Dammit.
Man, do I ever suck
So I made her late for an appointment yesterday and almost made her late for another today. So she was plenty pissed at me, which was why I wound up not even blogging today... I ended up spending a good part of the day trying to smooth things over, and while she's still mad, at least she's not so fiery.
Yeah, there's more to the story than just that, but you get the idea, I think.
Anyway, we wound up eating at Watercourse again, and then went off to see Echo and the Bunnymen and the Psychedelic Furs, which was expensive but very, very worthwhile.
And I'm about to spend the night at my place for the first time in a while.
Tuesday, November 27, 2001
It's scary to ponder
I'm trying to cut back on my caffeine consumption. It's still a lot, but I cut it in half yesterday and so far it's about the same today. Wish me luck that I don't become a cranky, tired mess.
And not to be a tease, but...
I think we're both still a bit skittish and feeling this out, so I'm turning all kinds of stuff around in my head. All I can say is that yes, things have progressed between us, we're enjoying spending lots of time together, and things are good. That will have to suffice for now, okay?
I managed to find somebody to switch with me at the Child Study Center desk, so I can go see a show with her
tomorrow night, after all.
A little surprise
So I wonder how long the package was sitting there at the department before I noticed? It seems Sherri
was kind enough to buy me something off my wishlist (and I haven't opened it, nor have I visited the list to see what it is). It was completely unexpected and sweet.
Monday, November 26, 2001
More agendas to be neglected
I need to finish up the revision to my story task text so I can meet with my advisor this afternoon, and drop off the Trooper (I'm done with the house-/dog-sit), do some scheduling for my assessment, start writing up a fellowship application, do some data entry...
What I really want to do is pretend it's Sunday still and go play in the snow. Is that so wrong?
A lovely day
We went to grab breakfast with John and then came back and watched "Young Frankenstein" (which I kept annoingly quoting), then I went off and watched "Shallow Hal" (which I thought was rather sweet, honestly. Not quite the out and out farce I'd anticipated, though) with Kristen and Jonathan while she ran some errands.
Then she met up with us for dinner, and we drove around in the snow, looking at some early Christmas decorations, watched some taped "Twilight Zone", and talked some more.
There's more to tell, but I'm not really sure what to say and how to say it. So I won't. Not just yet.
Sunday, November 25, 2001
And the agenda for today
I have to water the plants for my roomies, let the pooch outside (since the folks I'm sitting for will be back today, earlier than expected), work on the text for my master's project, and there are plans to go see "Shallow Hal" (even though I'm not really all that into seeing it anymore, and there are definitely other films I'd rather see) and grab dinner with Kristen and Jonathan.
I'm guessing that, as unambitious as some of that sounds, I still don't get some of it accomplished.
Listening to: Built to Spill, "Linus and Lucy"
My action-packed Saturday
I spent some of it just lolling around in bed, trying to sleep. But my allergies were just making it hard to breathe. She had this huge agenda of stuff she needed to get done, most of which didn't even get out of the planning stages. Instead, Christmas decorations were hung.
We ended up watching "It's a Wonderful Life" (which seemed to have been hacked up a bit, and seemed to have a commercial every 5 seconds) while eating leftovers. Then I came back and grabbed my laundry, cleaned up the house sit a bit (nothing like picking up doggie droppings outside), watched "ER", and fell asleep before 2 for the first time in what seems like weeks.
So I practically had to twist her arm to make her hang out with one of her friends last night, and she was still
apologetic about it.
Saturday, November 24, 2001
So Thanksgiving was lovely. We spent the evening over at her college friend's place (and there was a fabulous spread, with lots of non-meat options), eating and playing board games with some very cool folks. We came back to her place, a bit exhausted, and then (somehow) ended up staying up until 5, talking.
And then yesterday was a blur. We went through a lot of her stuff, got Thai food, and watched a couple videos ("Airplane", which she was quoting at me rather endearingly, and the excellent "You Can Count on Me"), while she did her laundry and we played with the puppy.
Ella is driving my allergies nuts, by the way. So we haven't been able to spend the nights there. I've been a good boy, though.
Thursday, November 22, 2001
And another thing
The review blog
is up (it's Nic's
baby). It's still brand new and nothing's posted yet, though.
Oh, and as an aside
like the "Enterprise" episode last night. What can I say?
So here's the plan
going to visit her friends in Littleton for the feast, food in tow, and then I'm not sure what will be on the agenda after that.
I talked to my mother and aunt on the phone this morning, which was nice. I hadn't talked to my aunt in a long
time, and I missed her loud, funny southern laugh.
I may not be around much today or tomorrow. We're planning to go up to Boulder (yes, 'Rene, with the puppy) to go hike, hang out, and get a nice dinner, so I don't know where that leaves me time for the web. Sorry...
But I sincerely hope everyone has a safe and happy holiday with loved ones.
Wednesday, November 21, 2001
I don't know why this worked now
But I downloaded AOL instant messenger. My screen name is freudslop
. Not that I'm beggin' for attention or anything. I'm just sayin'. That's all's I'm sayin'. Y'know?
And while I'm talking about being pissed...
I swear that every time I open up MSN, I see a new story about "the terror attacks". Geez, people, give it a rest already. It's fine to get the word out, but there's such a thing as overkill, and I think it's just breeding paranoia.
Not to be a link-thief, but...
I came across this
over at Susan's site
, and I feel like that info needs to get out, if you're the kind of person who contibutes to the Salvation Army. I can't begin to tell you how pissed I am.
Now I'm back at the house-sit
Just sitting here listening to the cd Lester
burned and smiling, playing catch with Ella (using "Lambchop", her stuffed lamb toy that she loves to munch on), and trying valiantly to stay awake.
So thanks to the cold medicine I took
I woke up bright and early. 5:30, to be exact. And while I laid in bed for a while longer, I finally got up and decided that (since my laptop is still at Mike and Melissa's and I had no internet access) I would watch the "Daily Show" tape Keith
so magnanimously made for me (and I still owe you, bud). Needless to say, I guffawed loudly at times.
And if you wonder why I'm so perky...
Part of it is that I'm done with schoolwork until January 7th. Oh, sure, I still have to work on my assessment cases, work on the Twin Study, work on my master's research and some side projects, but I feel very free. I don't know what to do with myself.
And we had the Talk
last night. I don't know how it got started, as I was just calling her back about something silly, and she just bluntly asked me what was going on. So we talked about that (what we're feeling, what we each want, where we think this is going) and I think we were both surprised to find that we were on the same page. Yes, we both care about each other. Yes, we both have reservations about getting more involved. And yes, we both like the idea of going slow, taking our time, and enjoying finding out more about each other and seeing where it goes.
So yeah, I do have a goofy grin on my face today.
What a curiously accurate astrological forecast
I think. It's funny how I can go months without getting one that's even slightly apropos, but it's been eerie of late: You could be bouncing off the walls today, Scott. It's best to avoid caffeine and sugar and stick to salads today! With your energy being revved, it could be easy to overwhelm other people with your intensity. Try to tone things down a little, speaking in a calm and measured voice and controlling your energy. You might need to burn off that extra energy later on with a workout or long walk. Physical exercise should help you stay centered today.
Tuesday, November 20, 2001
How sleepy was I?
Well, I dropped my razor in the toilet, I walked into a door without opening it, I called someone by the wrong name (not "Mulva", thankfully), and I complimented someone on growing a mustache he already had.
Yeah, after my clothes finish washing I am
going to take a nap.
Soy Dream? Rice Dream?
Well, I think I'm going to have to agree with Jeffy and the girl: Soy Dream is definitely better with my morning cereal. Consider me chastened.
If that read as babble
Then you're probably getting a good idea how confused I am.
I really meant to do something to celebrate
I mean, I finished my final, met with my advisor (and she's encouraging me to apply for a fellowship, plus recommended some more changes to my measure before we can really administer it in January), got that assessment draft revision done, and wanted to reward myself. So I drove over to the evil conglomerate (no offense, Nic), hoping that "Memento" would be available in a cheap used copy (it wasn't) and settled for buying "In the Mood for Love" and "Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon" instead. For good measure, I stopped by Twist and Shout to look for any used Built to Spill, but found a used copy of the latest Rival Schools (I'm listening to it right now, and you were right Jeffro. But I still
don't like the production).
And I stopped by her place. She was pretty punchy from lack of sleep, but we still managed to get in another 4 hours' or so worth of finding out more about each other, including her passion for Russian objets d'art and fixation on paranormal phenomena. And she also discussed a little bit about how she feels, which really had me thinking.
Sorry to be a bit evasive there, but it had me awake and pondering for too long last night, and I'm still mulling it over. Patience.
Monday, November 19, 2001
Okay, I'm also a dumbass
Duh. Guess who just noticed that the thermostat was set at 60 degrees? Sometimes thermal socks and long underwear aren't good things.
I'm a bad house-sitter
It's okay. You can say it. I was just so tired last night that I was falling asleep and wound up spending the night on her couch again, leaving the poor puppy sad and lonely in that big house. I suck.
Just some random babbling about site visits
Sometimes I get really obsessed with seeing who's been visiting this site (yes, I know this is shocking news). That said, I was a little surprised to find 47 visits yesterday. Was everybody bored? Was I just particularly interesting? What?
So what's everybody else doing for Thanksgiving?
I think we're going to her friend's house, and then watching videos. But I'm still not really sure. I wish there were some place around town that would be offering a good vegetarian meal (like Kate's Corner in NYC). But I kind of doubt that.
I apologize if I don't seem to be at my wittiest
I'm done with classes until January, and I'm sort of brain-fried. I managed to finish off my paper yesterday afternoon, and then spent most of the rest of the day studying up on stats (except when we took a break to watch a bizarre "Simpsons" episode). I'm not all that confident in my performance on the final, although I think I did well. But now my brain is mush.
I still have one last task to complete before I can really relax.
And she inadvertantly let slip with a word last night that has me scratching my head. I'm not gonna ponder it, though. I'm just going to listen to more of the Explosion, drink my OJ and coffee, and relax for a minute.
Well, you should all pity me
It appears I have a cold. All the late nights, the suddenly colder temperatures (it finally snowed here last night), and all my fretting and worrying seem to have done me in.
Sunday, November 18, 2001
Oh, and to the folks who run Swing Thai
(Which is a chain Thai place here in Denver, for those of you who have no clue what I'm talking about)
I've gone back and forth about whether to do business with you, since you are
a chain, and I generally hate chain thinking. Admittedly, your menu has gotten a bit better and your food is less bland than in the past. But you have a new competitor just a couple blocks away, in Thai Basil, which is better in every respect.
So when I went to you last night to get spicy soup for an oncoming cold, it was a big deal. Lemongrass soup with tofu. It wasn't that hard an order. But somehow, I waited 10 minutes for a "to go" order, and you managed to mess it up by putting shrimp in it.
Thanks a lot, you stupid schmucks. I won't be back.
Goals for my holiday break
(1) Finally have that talk (Not that things haven't already progressed, but it's time to just get things straight)
(2) Start running again
(3) Catch up on sleep
(4) Go see some of those movies I've been dying to watch ("Shallow Hal", "Waking Life", "Monsters, Inc.", "Harry Potter")
(5) Break my caffeine addiction (which is so bad right now that it's scary)
(6) Spend more time with friends, new and old
An interesting sidenote from yesterday
Studying with those other grad students, I was heartened that we all got along so well. They're mostly a little older than the students in my program, and from other psych disciplines (experimental, social, developmental as opposed to clinical), and I enjoyed their company. It's nice to feel some connection to the department.
More of the same old
Both pairs of friends cancelled out on seeing that movie, which was fine, since I wanted to study more. Unfortunately, I did less of that than I might have, since I wound up going over to her place. On one hand, it was good, because I might not have gotten anything done here. On the other hand, of the 5 hours I spent over there, I think I spent one of it reviewing stats and the other 4 laughing and looking through her photo albums.
The puppy woke me up bright and early (7 AM) again, but that's okay. I think I've found a routine here in the house-sit, making coffee, drinking OJ, munching on a toasted bagel, and enjoying the solitude.
I still have to get to that paper and finish the stats review. Help me, Lord. Help me.
Saturday, November 17, 2001
I just might
Go see "Shallow Hal" with friends tonight. Or I could go over to her place and study some more. I really don't know which I'll do. Maybe neither.
Spent most of the day over at another grad student's place with her, as a bunch of us had gotten together to study Stats. I don't know if it helped, but it was nice to share the misery.
Maybe it won't be so bad after all
After seeing the clips, "Spider-Man"
may not be all that bad. Perhaps I was a bit hasty. From now on, I shall just be cautious.
Okay, I guess I can admit it
name is Tabatha. Some of you can probably guess why I'd be feeling weird about admitting that. Maybe.
I know, I know
shouldn't excite me, but it does. I need help.
Oh, and another thing
I'm in the home stretch where the quarter is concerned. I should be around more often after Monday, maybe. And I'm feeling curiously energized. Creative, even. Not in the sense of redesigning the page, which is beyond my meager abilities, but more along the lines of some stories and stuff. Although I've said that before.
So what am I doing up this early?
Such an excellent question, really. I mean, after watching the rest of those taped programs, doing a little websurfing, and reading for a bit, it was around 2 when I finally started my slumber, and yet I found myself waking at 7, to make coffee (mmmmm, fresh ground, very strong, in multiple doses), pour myself OJ, and nosh on a toasted bagel and cream cheese (I had kind of forgotten the delight of eating a plain toasted bagel with plain cream cheese, instead of that crappy fare the bagel places hawk). I'm not sure what it was.
Oh, sure, the puppy woke me so she could go do her "dirty business" (and let me just note how sweet it was to have that warm puppy next to me in bed), but I think I was so tightly wound because I feel I have so much to do. Besides nodding along with Sebadoh (and the cd Lestah
made after), that is.
It's interesting having wheels, even if they're only borrowed. It's a different world, and I feel a bit different even. More in control of my environment.
Oh, and I got a glimpse into her
reticence. It makes sense, even if it's a bit saddening.
So I'm at the house-sit
Ella (the puppy) is being her usual cute, neurotic self (and my allergies aren't acting up, Jeffro), and I'm actually digging the place much more than I did last year. It feels kind of homey to me, in a way my apartment doesn't. And I think it might be that I'm becoming better friends with Mike and Melissa, the couple I'm sitting for.
My friends don't seem to get that I need to study for my stats final and write that paper. I think they think that I'm being lame, since I've been spending so much time with her
. I probably am. It really is nice to know they want to spend time with me, too.
But (so help me) she needed me today, and I couldn't say no, let her be alone and sad. And it killed me to see her cry, really. I tried, really, to make it better. Would good Thai food and plum wine do that? Probably not, but I think it helped.
And I did finally watch "The Tick", which was as amusing as I'd anticipated, and then got my little soap fix in "ER".
I'm tired. I need to go to bed and then get up tomorrow and really put in a good faith effort.
Friday, November 16, 2001
That's a lot of pressure for one guy
So almost everything seems to be going wrong for her
lately, which is part of the reason she's been clinging to me so much. On one hand, it's kind of sweet, but on the other, it's kind of scary. She's talking about going back to Berkeley. And when I try to talk her into staying, I wonder whether it's because I feel she hasn't given the place a fair shake or that I'm looking after my own interests.
I think being around her is making me dumb
Really. I keep making dumb mistakes that just aren't like me at all.
I haven't been near a computer before now. Wound up going off for Indian food (mmmmmmm, naan, mint chutney, chana masala, dahl soup, kheer, and good chai) and then to a gallery opening and then made a pretense of wanting to study stats. It didn't happen, of course. But I was a good boy and slept on her couch, was late for all my meeting today, and now I'm off to go start my house-sit.
Thursday, November 15, 2001
Got a cd from Lestah
(stop by and wish him happy boithday, even if you end up being late) today. And I promise those of you kind folks who have sent me mail love will be repaid when I can think of a suitable reward... No ingrate am I. I think.
I almost knocked her
over in the stairwell, and was so flustered that I dropped all my stuff. There was lots of tongue-clucking from people who saw us together, too. I then proceeded to send out an e-mail to the wrong person because I was still dopey.
There will be "Tick"-viewing tonight and "ER". Or taping, anyway. And perhaps I'll get some work done. Perhaps.
So after I finish that report, get the final paper written, and take my Monday Stats exam, I'll be done until January. Sort of (I still have to do some assessment work). I can just relax in the house-sit (which has to be warmer than my basement, although she
is giving me her space heater, since her place is so warm), enjoy Thanksgiving with friends, and maybe catch up on sleep, and see any number of movies.
So about last night
I didn't get much done, honestly. I watched "Enterprise", which was bit silly, but I enjoyed it. And I finally finished "Dreamlife", which was a bit jarring, since I had seen almost everything else up to a very disturbing scene. So I was bit somber when I went to take the video back, lingering to buy those videos.
I came back and decided that a viewing of the "24" episode from Tuesday would be in order, so that was also accomplished. Despite myself, and despite the sometimes ridiculous nature of that series, I'm enjoying the concept and the pacing enough to go with it.
And I read some of the comics I bought that afternoon, plowed through the chapter for today's Neural Nets class, and then ended up talking to someone on the phone until we were both practically falling asleep.
Like a big ol' stinking hypocrite
I headed over to the evil Blockbuster and ended up buying a couple of previewed videos (I'm weak, in case youhadn't noticed): “Best in Show”
and “You Can Count on Me”
(both of which I would highly recommend, by the way). Everything was $ 2 off, and I probably would have bought “Memento”
or “In the Mood for Love”
if they'd had either. They did
have a copy of “Requiem for a Dream”
, but it was the edited version, so what would be the point?
Wednesday, November 14, 2001
I think this might be the first night in a while that I haven't spent hanging out with her
. She's going to be sitting in on some interviews and I have to get that report done tonight.
I believe it will be good to get a breather. It sounds scary to me when I think about how much time we've been spending together. Even though it's just seemed to happen, there can
be too much of a good thing.
And sorry again
I can't believe how my days just seem to be getting eaten up without feeling like I've accomplished much. Even now, I'm aware that this is the first real opportunity I've had to get to a computer and blog. (Scary or good? I can't decide.) I'm about to go try to recruit from a group of parents with children with Asperger Syndrome or autism, and I could be doing stuff to get myself more prepared for that, but...
Last night was really, really lovely. After classes, I ran home to set my vcr to record "24" and then we headed out to grab dinner at a fantastic vegetarian place (The Watercourse, which you'll love, Jeffro), watched a silly Rankin-Bass holiday special, and then "Love and Death"
. Then there was stats homework, more conversation, and sweet, much-needed sleep.
And I still
need to finish watching "The Dreamlife of Angels". Good thing it was a 5-day rental.
Tuesday, November 13, 2001
I was being a bit of an Eeyore yesterday, getting really down about certain things. Luckily, I was able to get the most crucial stuff done and then take a bit of a breather. Admittedly, I paid for it, since I was doing homework until quite late and then had to finish it up this morning, but I feel ever so much better. I really can live with an A- in Neural Nets, I think.
And the girl was very sweet to me, bringing me a funny little treat (a French pastry sculpture of a mouse) that made me smile. I think she was just feeling a bit odd because our friend was giving her a hard time, telling her that we "look so cute together".
I still have a ton to do, but I'm glad I'm done with the wretched homework for the quarter and can concentrate on other stuff. We may go celebrate tonight, before launching into preparation for the Stats final.
Monday, November 12, 2001
So I got some of that stuff done. I still have to go run sims and write up that stupid homework, when what I really want is to just go to bed. Honestly. I'm that tired.
Turns out the master document of my master's measure (which I spent hours revising yesterday) didn't get saved. The disk got corrupted somehow, and I spent most of the morning redoing the damned thing. But I did it. I feel good. Or I should, anyway.
So much to do
I really don't even know where to begin. What I'd really like is to crawl back into bed and sleep for a couple days, but that probably wouldn't be productive, would it?
I tried to watch the rest of "Dreamlife" after my last post, but couldn't keep my eyes open. I think that actually happened the first time I watched it, where I just couldn't stay awake. I know it's not the movie, though. I know.
It feels like a very sobering morning. I can't really remember my dreams, but I'm pretty sure they weren't good. I woke up before my alarm, feeling very anxious and tired, and that tells me the sleep wasn't as restful as it could have been.
I have to get that Neural Networks homework done tonight, and then I'm finished with the class. Thankfully, there's no final. But I do
have a final paper in my Ethics class to do and my Stats exam next Monday. Plus finishing up that report draft, which I've just been putting off over and over. D'oh!
By the way, we didn't go see "Harry Potter"
. We got a late start on breakfast (the place was very crowded, and by the time we got our food, we could actually have gotten it to stay. But at least it was good veggie fare) and had too much other stuff to take care of. I tried to give the passes away and couldn't find anyone who could use them. Tres odd.
I was supposed to hang out with Jonathan, too, but I think we were both feeling drained. It was okay, really. I'll be house- and doggie-sitting in their neighborhood starting Friday, so that will be good. I'll even have wheels.
And I'm looking forward to the sitting. The change of scenery, the opportunity to take a bath if I want, and the chance to clear my head, I think. Plus, the doggie is pretty cute, if neurotic. I need some puppy love, I think.
I'm tired. I got some of that work done, but there's still a ton to do. I wound up getting out of the Twins Study today, since they no-showed, but there was still too much time wasting. At least I got to see "Simpsons" and "Malcolm in the Middle", though.
And things are complicated. I don't know what to think about them, really. So I won't.
Sunday, November 11, 2001
So I have a ton of stuff to do today
Working on the part-time RA gig from morning until afternoon, doing my stats homework, printing off stuff so I can start piloting my master's project, watching the rest of "Dreamlife of Angels" (I fell asleep when I tried to finish it up), going to do summink with Jonathan, revising that report, starting my Neural Nets homework, watching "Simpsons", "Malcolm in the Middle", and "X-Files", and catching up on sleep. Just to name a few.
And (of course) I'd rather be hanging out with someone instead.
Man, what's going on in Illinois?
goes away for a while (and it's been a while since you posted, hint hint), then Aimee
closes down her blog as all but a photo album, and now Meredith
seems to have disappeared.
Saturday, November 10, 2001
God, I really hope so
Yet another example of my astrological forecast telling me what I want to hear, even if it might not be true: This is a good day to clear your desk of the big things that have been piling up, Scott. Maybe there are some tasks you have been procrastinating about. Sometimes you don't fully trust your intelligence and your talents. Today it will be easier to find your way through challenging projects and finish them in a smart, timely fashion. You should feel more confident about your skills by the end of the day.
Well, that was a productive afternoon
I really don't regret it, honestly. I talked for sometime with both Jeffy and Tabby, watched the "Ripping Friends" episode I taped (rather lame, honestly) and the first episode of "24" (I was pretty impressed). Jonathan called, so we might hang out tomorrow, while Kristen's out of town. Tom and Rachel just blew me off. I rented "The Dreamlife of Angels"
and watched half of it. I talked to her
on the phone for a while. And now I'm watching an "ER" repeat.
I really needed a mellow day. I have a lot to do, but I just can't push myself, especially as tired as I am.
All things considered
It hasn't been a bad morning. Yeah, I have the reddest eyes you might ever see, and I'm completely exhausted, but I have a big coffee sitting in front of me, I have the afternoon off (and I think I'm going to take a nap), my laundry is washing as I type, and I'm not too stressed out.
I think I need a break from hanging out with her to clear my head, too.
How in the world did my underwear crawl up my butt like that?
A better question would involve why I feel the need to share that, though.
Yes, I am regretting my lack of sleep right now
I dropped the bar of soap not once, not twice, not thrice, but four times in the shower this morning (and I wasn't preparing for life as a prisoner). I nearly poured the coffee into the water reservoir on my coffee maker. I put my shirt on backwards. And I'm just damned tired. Four hours of sleep is not enough. And I've gotta head over to do data collection this morning. I just hope there's no afternoon session, so I can at least take a nap.
I'm going to be hating myself in the morning
So she did
call. We ended up going to Alexander's to grab dinner, and then met up with friends so we could go see “Amelie”
, which might be the best film I've seen all year. They even showed a trailer for “The Royal Tenenbaums”
before the movie, which had me ultra-geeky.
Even though we were both exhausted, we stuck around for the midnight screening of “The City of Lost Children”
. Now it's late, and I'm still kicking myself for not having finally had the conversation
, but it's too late to do anything about that.
Friday, November 09, 2001
I had a pretty good day
I registered for classes for next quarter, typed up some new stuff for my master's research, and have some great leads for future research... I'll be going out to recruit folks with Asperger's next Wednesday, and I may get involved in doing fMRI research (they may be starting a research program with it next year), and I'm probably going to start putting together a neural network model of face recognition and present on it next quarter. Oh, and we simplified the instructions for my master's measure so I don't actually have to conduct the research sessions myself.
Somehow, despite all that, I'm feeling kind of lousy. Waiting for her to call me, like some lovelorn 14-year-old.
I promise I'll stop being so lame soon. It's just that this is so much on my mind that I'm not really able to articulate much else. And lack of sleep helps. Or hurts, as the case may be. I'm playing the part of "much too old to be acting like a dumb teenager", and it annoys me, too.
By the way, have I mentioned that the new Sloan is really, really good?
Why is it so tough?
When hanging out is so easy, so relaxed? Really. I mean, it just sort of seems to happen, without planning or any sort of anxiety. And it's so nice being together.
But there's this sudden awkwardness around saying something about feelings. And I don't know why.
Remember those things?
Those little "Christmas" calendars with the windows on them for each day, and you open up the window for each day? You know what I'm talking about, right?
I got one for my mother yesterday.
So like a dumbass
I didn't go straight to bed last night, even though my body was completely exhausted and my brain was fried. Instead, I microwaved some frozen burritos and talked to my bro on the phone for a while, and then watched the taped "Tick" and the end of "ER", which I'd missed. And I was delighted with "The Tick", which set things up quite well and managed to have me chuckling aloud (esp. Patrick Warburton's deadpan delivery of some horribly corny lines and my new catchphrase, "Nope.") and impressed with "ER" (even though the thought of them pairing up Noah Wyle and Sherri Stringfield turns my stomach).
I wanted to read some of the "Sock Monkey" book by then , but couldn't keep my eyes open. So I turned off the light, covers wrapped tightly around me, and thought sappy thoughts instead.
Somebody kick me.
Thursday, November 08, 2001
God, what a long day
I had to type something up to give the undergrads we're trying to recruit, then went off to class, then went to deliver my spiel to potential guinea pigs. Somehow, I managed to spend the interim with her
, which just sort of happened without even trying to make it occur. Walking back from the coffee shop, we saw the ex-her
(and she proceeded to make a face, in yet another display of maturity).
And then I had to go off and be a study subject, going under the fMRI scanner (despite the fact that she tried to talk me into ditching it to go see "Shallow Hal" with her instead). Then there was waiting around to come back. I managed to catch some of "ER", but I just ate dinner and I am sooooooooo friggin' tired.
I’m a bad, bad man
Been putzing about so far. I got up kind of late, since I didn’t get to sleep until late (I actually fell asleep with comic in hand and light on, which goes to show just how wiped out I was), started my usual routine (turned on laptop, started coffeemaker, took meds, made bed) and then flopped my butt down on the couch to do some surfing. I’ve just been doing breakfast and neglecting what I really need to accomplish (like getting that report revision finished and typing up something to pass out to the undergrads), listening to cds (the new Guided by Voices and Sloan, which are pretty decent, by the way), and generally not doing much.
If you have ReBlogger as your comments system, by the way, chances are I haven’t been able to leave you any feedback lately. And there are a few other folks whose comments won’t work for me, too.
I’m waiting to hear back from Aimee
that I’ve been insufferable lately. C’mon. You know you want to say it, and I won’t really disagree.
I’m taping “The Tick” and “ER” tonight, so don’t ruin them for me, please.
”Simpsons” quote of the day
Homer: Mmm… Unexplained bacon…
Like some sort of misguided "white knight"
I had every intention of being asleep by now. I was in bed, under my electric blanket, reading comics, when she
called. Seems she locked her keys in the copy room and wanted help. So I ran over, and (of course) the next thing I knew, we were off on a search for late night hot chocolate (finally found at 7-11).
And she wanted to go see the sneak of "Shallow Hal" tomorrow night, too.
I think I saw something written on a scrap of paper that was lying on the passenger seat of her VW as I got in. But I'm not sure. We definitely need to talk.
So I don't think the Yale trip is going to happen
Got this e-mail today: Scott,
I'm a little skeptical about this happening. Ami just hasn't been in touch. Plan your schedule without it and I'll let you know if anything comes up.
This is the kind of thing that gets me in trouble
My little astrological forecast for tomorrow: You are very independent and self-reliant, Scott. Sometimes you give up on the idea of having a nice romance with someone because of past hurts. You withdraw into working overtime. It's time for you to start healing from the past and open your heart again in your loved life. There is already someone special in your life who would love to get closer to you. Don't overlook them because you are too caught up in old memories.
Wednesday, November 07, 2001
It's a cold, rainy night. And it shows signs of changing over to our first substantive snow of the fall. That actually has me less down than the gloomy quality of the weather. I just got back from grabbing a bag of chips with salsa and guacamole, and am trying to warm up under a blanket.
I don't know if I'll get to that report, since it's not crucial I get to it just yet (I'll just have to get up early and work on it tomorrow). Mostly, I just can't concentrate on writing it. Tom came over and we split some beers while half-heartedly watching "Enterprise", and we talked. It was nice to hang out and just relax, but as soon as he left, my thoughts got gloomy.
So I didn't talk to her today. The timing seemed crappy, since she's having a really hard time with school and research right now, and I just don't feel like piling stuff on her. She needs the support more than anything. And I have to admit I'm getting a little scared because she's sounding so discouraged and talking about going back to the Bay area.
Dammit. I really
care about this woman. And it's so discouraging to feel so good about something with someone, only to see that threatened by stuff I can't control.
My haircut actually looks pretty decent.
I walked out to the comics store, braving the oncoming storm, and picked up that "Sock Monkey"
book, which looks pretty damned cool.
I'd like to be going to see the sneak preview of "Shallow Hal" tomorrow, but instead I'll be helping out a faculty member, as an fMRI subject.
And I'm going to try to recruit undergrads for my research project tomorrow.
Lack of commenting
Sorry I haven't left very comments for y'all of late. I haven't very much time for surfing of late. But it's also because I've been so lost in thought that I haven't been able to respond intelligently.
I really do apologize. The love is still there. Really it is.
Things I'll be doing tonight
Working on revising my assessment report.
Riding my bike out to the comics store (Oo! "Sock Monkey" children's book!).
Watching "Enterprise" plus the stuff I taped last night (that "Simpsons" Halloween episode and the first episode of "24", assuming the VCR worked right).
Trying to catch up on sleep.
Doing stats homework
So if I seem distracted, forgive me.
I've decided to lay the cards on the table with her
, by the way. Not that the cards aren't already dealt (pardon the bad metaphor), but I think it's time to have "the talk". Wish me luck.
Things that happened Tuesday
I got a few hours of sleep.
I turned in the graded papers for her
, which led to some awkwardness when the instructor asked why I
had them and why she had called the night before from my number.
I did some revision on my neuropsych assessment report (but I'll still have to finish it tomorrow).
I printed out the stats stuff for my stats homework (which I'll have to finish in the morning, when I'm coherent).
I managed to stay awake in both classes.
We got Indian food and managed to walk in just as "Focus"
was starting. Then we decided to stick around for "Innocence"
. I think I annoyed her a bit, because I chuckled at some cheesy dialogue and was just feeling giddy from lack of sleep. But I really liked both films (again, more to follow when I can string sensible sentences together).
And she went home. *sigh*
Tuesday, November 06, 2001
Too much to do, too little time
Not enough sleep. Too much goofing off. Lots to do this morning. Update will have to wait, for things like shower, classes, and waking up.
Monday, November 05, 2001
Oh, and by the way
Happy Guy Fawkes Day.
Things still on the agenda
Maybe going to dinner with friends.
Procrastinating doing homework some more before finally completing it.
Hanging out with her
Going to see "Focus"
Playing "Big Dipper" and "Twin Falls" at least a dozen more times before I go to sleep tonight.
Things I've done so far today
Managed to avoid falling asleep in Stats.
Flinched when a grad student talked to her
about wanting to set her up on a blind date.
Blushed when she
politely turned the offer down and said, "No, I'm sort of seeing someone", with a smile in my direction.
Got my hair cut (and it looks decent, surprisingly).
Bought some good green tea.
Bought a new used pair of jeans at the second-hand store by school, since my 31" waist Old Navy jeans fit more like 35" jeans and my comfy, beaten-up 30" Levi's have developed a hole in the tuchas.
Procrastinated writing up my homework.
Sang out some Built to Spill lyrics loud enough that the neighbors can probably hear.
So here's what happened since Friday (since I know I haven't been very good at keeping up this weekend):
I went to my research and lab meetings very bleary-eyed, but still came away with some cool ideas and energized. We're going to try to do some pilot testing of items from my master's measure this week (maybe, provided I actually type up the changes and manage to get over to the undergrad classes to recruit subjects), and working on going to visit some support groups for families with Asperger Syndrome so we can recruit from that population, too. I know that sounds geeky, but I'm excited. And our lab may start doing some connectionist modeling, too, so my Neural Nets class may not have been in vain.
Evil showed up in the afternoon, so we took it easy for a while, and then went off to grab dinner with the girl and John, and then ran off to see Built to Spill at the Ogden (and they were incredible. The only bad part was the stupid hippy guy in front of me, who I wanted to push down the stairs).
Oh, and I got a copy of Built to Spill's "There's Nothing Wrong with Love", which I've been playing into the ground.
Saturday was time for more hanging out, with music stores and comics stores on the agenda, and then getting dinner with Kristen and Jonathan. We were gonna go see a movie, but the times were off, so we headed over to Tattered Cover instead, and then Jeffro and I thought we were going to see “Waking Life”
, but ended up seeing “The Man Who Wasn’t There”
instead. It was good.
He went home yesterday, and I did homework for a while and then hung out with her again.
So that was my weekend.
Sunday, November 04, 2001
Social engagements calling
So there will be breakfast and then Evil is off, on his way back to SLC. And then I'll probably be hanging out, doing homework (a disproportionately small amount compared to actual hanging out time). So I may not be around again today. Sorry.
Evil comes to town
Well, actually, my twin is in town. We've been running off to music stores, going to get good meals, saw Built to Spill last night, and viewed the new Coen Brothers film tonight. And he's leaving in the morning. So I'll report later.
Friday, November 02, 2001
If you want a little peak at my research interests
. It's a fun little on-line simulation. I didn't invent this, but we're going to use something similar.
Ahhhhhhh, that's better
So I didn't sleep nearly enough. I was disorganized, scatter-brained, and just plain giddy at times. Somehow, I made it through a meeting with my research advisor and a lab meeting. And then I ran off to grab some coffee and a bagel (yes, I was dumb enough to go back), since (and I kid you not) all I had this morning was coffee and a couple of candy bars.
I'm still waiting for my brother to show up.
I have a butterscotch Dum-Dum
Um, I had a pretty good day
I got a perfect score on my Neural Nets homework, I rode my bike out to the comics shop, and I hung out. A lot.
My Brother will be here soon. I've only gotten 4 hours of sleep. And I have a research meeting in about 40 minutes, and I'm totally unprepared.
She made me cereal for dinner.
I found a cheap copy of "Life After God".
And Chipotle made my tummy hurt, all night and this morning. Stupid Chipotle. Bad, bad Chipotle.
I'm such a sucker. Really. I can't help it.
I got pulled in, just with a phone conversation to tease her about nearly walking into the men's room at school on Wednesday. The next thing I know, it's 2 AM, I've somehow volunteered myself to help her grade papers, but instead we've mostly been hanging out and watching "Twilight Zone", looking at pictures, and talking cartoons.
Do you see?
She belches in front of me.
Thursday, November 01, 2001
Something to consider
. I'm surprised to find myself saying this, but Slate
seems to be pretty thoughtful, for something intimately tied with the evil menace Gates.
So I have an idea
It's a short story idea, and I think it's pretty good. I'm going to let it percolate a bit and then really work on it, instead of just spewing it out half-baked. And then I'll post it here.
Maybe my little nostalgia trip was good in other ways, too.
Yeah, thanks a lot, asshole
Me: So are the "everything" bagels still hot?
Callous and uncaring bagel shop employee: Yeah.
Me: Okay. Then I'd like one of those with jalapeno cream cheese.
Not only did the little shit skimp on the cream cheese, but the damned thing was hard and cold. I knew I shouldn't have tipped him.
Like Proust, having read Coupland
I slept like a baby last night, when I finally opted for sleep. The electric blanket had things very toasty and warm, and my overactive mind finally just switched off. At least the conscious part of it.
But did I ever
dream... I don't think I'm ready to share everything I dreamt, but there were people laying guilt trips on me for not staying in touch, past relationships playing out in new and old ways, characters from books, research ideas, and even childhood thoughts.
When my eyes opened, after about 5 hours of superactive dreaming slumber, I had to get up and touch everything in the room to reassure myself.
Why yes, I can be rather lame
Thanks for noticing.
I'm one of those people who likes to listen to music by a band for a couple days before seeing them in concert, in some sort of weird ritual. I guess it's an attempt to get myself really into the music. Not that I wouldn't otherwise be excited, but... I'm not explaining well. Maybe it's just impossible to rationalize. But whatevere the case, I'm playing Built to Spill ad nauseam, probably driving my roomies insane.
I know a month can't get started right unless I complain about MSN, so I'm going to do that now. I keep getting disconnected, due to their unreliable connection. And I can't download the new MSN Explorer unless I re-up with them, neglecting the fact that I'm already subscribed for another couple years. Is it just me, or is that incredibly lame?
I finished "Generation X" and actually pulled out "Shampoo Planet". So we can compare notes, Lestah
I think I really need some new music, some new clothes, and for the academic quarter to be over. It looks like I may be doing three assessments simultaneously in December, thanks to whatever weird scheduling thing is in the air and my own bad planning. Call me a glutton for punishment.
And I'm aware that there are a couple blips in the template (Can you spot the "w"?). I tried, really tried to find the source of the one black line on the text boxes, but didn't find it. It's driving me nuts, because I'm anal that way. But I'm not gonna deal with it right now. I'm not.
Yeah, I did
like "Enterprise" last night.
will be out today. Waiting for me to peruse and chuckle, snort, and guffaw.
can be easy to please. See?
And I DO mean everybody is doing it
even moved and revised his blog.
I don't feel like Charlie Brown. I really don't.