Monday, September 17, 2001

She sucks my good left nut.

Now I say this as a girl. With no nuts. Let alone good or bad ones. But I feel like being vulgar. I hate her. I do. She's lame.

*makes gagging noises* *gag* *gag* *gag*

She said that he was damaged, people. And beyond repair. And unable to love. And manipulative. And what other nasty things Scott? Oh yeah and all sorts of other untrue things like - um taking her for granted, feeding off of her, cold and heartless . . . all bullshit.

*makes more gagging noises*

As someone who was successfully able to love and be loved by this here Scott A. Vice (and also met the humorless dull blah little thing - ick, didn't do anything at all for me except blink her vacant eyes and be uninteresting) - she probably wouldn't know love from her ass. Really. I can't believe she has the nerve to even bother you still. Let alone give you passive agressive (well not really but something like that - you know what I mean) wimpyass 4th grade letters that say "let's talk" . . .

Gross people should just go away. Figure out their crap but until then stay away. Don't let her get you down.

And you should be more stern with her!

posted by Tabitha @ 12:30 AM

Sunday, September 16, 2001

I'm not watching T.V.

Today I babysat this great kid in Brooklyn and had so much fun. She told me not to shave my head. We had McDonald's and played an old game called Go for Broke. We played and she glittered and we walked around beautiful Brooklyn. We played with her dog. We tried to watch some of The Jerk.

I have no idea about the people who live outside of the city but reading around these other blogs . . . it seems like you were more traumatized than we were. I mean how could seeing an endless loop of the towers falling not do that to you?

The last I heard the site was secure. The immediate area around it is secure. They're making arrests, furthering the investigation, and not going to do anything rash. They're building a barracade around it to sift in peace. Trains are running as much as they can and things are picking up as swiftly as possible to have the financial district open again. I mean I could be freely saying this because I haven't allowed myself to venture further down than 49th st. in Manhattan and have kept myself to Queens or Brooklyn mostly (despite George's constant invites to the east village). Thus I haven't let the event hit me as fully as it could. But how is this really all that different than Columbine? Or Oklahoma City bombings? Or any sort of tragedies before? People are hurt, a landmark is down, we're shocked . . . but I don't know. Do I sound too callous?

I feel like in NY we're as busy as can be to get this scab to close over as soon as it can. We mention the thing occasionally. We note that the trains skip certain ghostly stops. We never refer to the event directly by name. We await phone calls to tell us if we can come in tomorrow. Or deal with that phone call appropriately. My uncle just got his phone call. I'm not sure how he's dealing with it. And he seems to be the only one I feel I know who is entitled to deal with it any way he can. He saw it for real. But even then I wonder.

What is strength at a time like this? What is strength and what is denial and what is picking at a wound so it won't heal? My Californian friends and family seemed more concerned and traumatized/dramatising this more than I am. It's about entitlement isn't it? If this is supposedly a national injury why is the cut so uneven? I'm grateful that no one I know is hurt. But I know people almost hurt. There are people who don't even know anyone in the state. So should any of this even matter to them? I think it's okay if it doesn't. What is patriotism at a time like this?

I ask that not with any kind of agenda but as a simple philosophical pondering. What is unity? And why?

Lower Manhattan pulses red and swollen like a pin prick or maybe a violently popped pimple. It could be a bigger deal. There could be no New York City at all. There could be 8 million dead and not 4 thousand. What makes one more painful to bear than the other? And how low does the number have to go to have us feel a little better? And if we were to feel better at that new number - where does the guilt we feel at feeling better come from?

Is it wrong to want to feel better?

The most amazing thing to happen today was reading this American Girl book by accident. The girl I was babysitting has a "Kit" American girl doll in her room that I thought nothing of at first. Earlier, as we had just started out to get dinner, it had occured to me after spending all of these hours with her to maybe tentatively ask how she felt about the event. She was upset at the enemy and wanted vengence but didn't want innocents hurt. She didn't think that the woman missing in her building was actually dead but was just definitely still "missing" as stated in a flyer. I unthinkingly asked "but where else could she be?" And the look of pain in considering the im/probabilities flashed across her happy go lucky glittery face. This intensely intelligent and mature 8 year old shook it out of her head and allowed herself to be her age, to let her innocent hope take over for her precocious intellect. I felt guilty and had her immediately continue with whatever else she was talking about before. We walked around her gorgeous neighborhood and briefly noticed what was shops were open or closed. When at first she didn't get why, I said "maybe because it's Saturday" but unconvincingly so. Her little head churned and it was suddenly all clear as she let herself remember everything. Like puzzles pieces raining in to their rightful places in her mind. When I asked how long ago her T.V. "broke" according to her parents, I think she slowly started to put that together too. Anyway, after corrupting yet another impressionable youth(letting the other kids watch Hairspray the other day was borderline like this stuff - letting the boys play that computer game was definitely bad no contest), I wanted to know more about these dolls. I noted how they're probably making loads of cash. And she mused about that with me while sifting through the accessories catalog. The dolls each have different time periods to inhabit and stories to have but mostly exist to be some lucky girl's smaller copy (they have every color skin tone you need). Her particular doll has short blonde hair and was "raised" during the Great Depression. I guess that's my only real hook in all this. I read this book that came with the doll about her character living through that crisis, surviving it and all that. I read the short passages in the back that had more details on this period in time for the kids to digest. There were pictures, the drawings, insights on how it was like to live back then. I read how everyone who was rich was suddenly poor. How people were kicked out of home and needed to sell eggs. How everything turned on thin dime one dark day and how you needed to be strong to get by. I then thought about us of course. How could I not? Are we so far off from that day? So I worried for us. In between my worries for me. And my soon to be bald head. I worried for us and for our economy. But only because it has a lot to do with me.

Go stock market and however it may tread tomorrow.

posted by Tabitha @ 10:34 PM

Oh

and I'm totally digging this boy I barely know online named rubbertoe. He's a freak. And I can't really fall in love because of work politics. I love how it's forbidden slightly. lol. I think I mostly just create this for myself for fun or something. But then it's like - oh yeah . . . I guess I didn't make it up. I mean I'm not right? *pokes* Hey, are you real?

Okay, I'm chatty. And tired. I'm two hours ahead of any of these silly time tags around me . . .

*yawn* nighty.

posted by Tabitha @ 3:22 AM

Fuck

I had a post. And it got lost.

Shit.

Well here's recap then.

1) I'm brilliant.

2) Boys come on to me.

3) I think it has to do with the hair or its random combination with something or another.

4) tonight - 5th or 6th boy this past week made major major advance. And I spent most of this week holing it up with grandparents or cats and friends. I'm gettin more action than I could have ever hope for. Or offers. Or opportunities. From guys and girls. I'm slightly scared.

4 1/2) I would chalk all up to disaster relief or illusions but half happened before it happened. And half I've know for at least half a year.

5) In spite of all I like birthday parties in Brooklyn and I like new friends I meet on trains the night of major national disasters. Yup. Williamsburg hipsters be damned.

6) It's nice to be home in a new temporary home. Don't like the cat much more but I'll be a monkey's uncle if I weren't glad it's alive. *whew*

7) Yippee! Charging phone and nice stuff that belongs to ME

8) I solved a hard puzzle made of steel (that nice suitor - Amit's Sam - left on the door for me a few days ago - very sweet) in a few minutes.

9) back to one.

posted by Tabitha @ 3:15 AM

Entry Word: confuse

Function: verb
Text: 1
Synonyms EMBARRASS, abash, confound, discomfit, disconcert, discountenance, faze, rattle
2 to make unclear in mind or purpose
Synonyms addle, ball up, befuddle, bewilder, ||bumfuzzle, discombobulate, distract, dizzy, fluster, fuddle, mix up, ||mizzle, ||momble, muddle, mull, throw off, throw out
Related Word misguide, mislead; agitate, bother, discompose, disquiet, flurry, perturb, upset
3
Synonyms PUZZLE, befog, bewilder, ||cap, confound, metagrobolize, pose, stumble
4 to make indistinct the elements or true character of (as a discussion)
Synonyms becloud, befog, blur, cloud, fog, muddy
Related Word complicate, confound, involve, mix up
Idioms lose in a fog
Contrasted Words clarify, elucidate; simplify
5 to throw into disorder
Synonyms foul up, jumble, mix up, muddle, ||snafu, snarl up, tumble; DISORDER 1
Related Word derange, disarrange, disorder, disorganize, disturb, mess (up), unsettle
Idioms put in a flutter, throw into confusion
6
Synonyms MISREPRESENT, color, distort, garble, miscolor, pervert, twist, warp, wrench, wrest
7
Synonyms MISTAKE 1, confound, misdeem, misidentify, mix, mix up
Antonyms differentiate

posted by Tabitha @ 3:00 AM

Saturday, September 15, 2001

The words that I love by

(err, live)

Popular
- Nada Surf

three important rules for breaking up
don't put off breaking up when you know you want to
prolonging the situation only makes it worse
tell him honestly simply kindly but firmly
don't make a big production
don't make up an elaborate story
this will help you avoid a big tear-jerking scene
if you want to date other people, say so
be prepared for the boy to feel hurt and rejected
even if you've gone together for only a short time
and haven't been too serious
there's still a feeling of rejection when somebody says
she prefers the company of others to your exclusive company
but if you're honest and direct
and avoid making a flowery emotional speech
when you break the news
the boy will respect you for your frankness
and honestly, he'll appreciate the kind straight-forward manner
in which you told him your decision
unless he's a real jerk or a cry-baby you'll remain friends

i'm head of the class
i'm a quarterback
my mom says i'm a catch
i'm never last picked
i'm a cheerleading chick

being attractive is the most important thing there is
if you want to catch the biggest fish in your pond
you have to be as attractive as possible
make sure to keep your hair spotlessly clean
wash it at least every two weeks
once every two weeks
and if you see johnny football hero in the hall
tell him he played a great game
(tell him you liked his article in the newspaper)

i'm the party star
i've got my own car
i'll never get caught
i'm the teacher's pet
i make football bets

i propose we support a one-month limit on going steady
i think it would keep people more able to deal with weird situations
get to know more people
i think if you're ready to go out with johnny
now's the time to tell him about your one-month limit
he won't mind
he'll appreciate your fresh look on dating
and once you've dated someone else
you can date him again
i'm sure he'll like it, everyone will appreciate it
you're so novel, what a good idea
you can keep your time to yourself, you don't need date insurance
you can go out with whoever you want to
every boy, every boy in the whole world could be yours
if you'll just listen to my plan
the teenage guide (to popularity)

i'm head of the class
i'm a quarterback
my mom says i'm a catch
i'm never last picked
i got a cheerleading chick
i'm the party star
i've got my own car
i'll never get caught
i'm the teacher's pet
i make football bets

posted by Tabitha @ 1:22 PM

Wiggles hips

Girls on film . . . two mintues later . . . girls on film . . .

All the other songs on my playlist feel weird. David Bowie's I'm afraid of Americans or R.E.M.'s Great Beyond. Now this is what I mean by not feeling entitled to my feelings. I feel like I'm just over dramatising everything. Drama. Unnecessary.

Island in the sun . . . we'll be playin and having fun . . .

posted by Tabitha @ 1:09 PM

Um my site is down again. And I don't really care. But do you guys mind if I hang out here for a little while?

Ick - bad mexican food with John. lol - geekboy with the signings and the beer.

I like K-mart. They usually have bright and shiny things. With color.

posted by Tabitha @ 12:43 PM

Thursday, September 06, 2001

Orange shirts rock. I now have an orange jacket.

Are you sure you want me posting here?

posted by Tabitha @ 4:40 PM

design