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Friday, August 31, 2001

On vacation

Be back Monday. Y'all be good.

posted by Skattieboy @ 10:51 AM
Thursday, August 30, 2001

Bless you, Billy G.!!!

So I sat here for almost an hour, downloading Internet Explorer 6.0, only to have the download stall out and give me various error messages related to my ever-reliable internet connection. Thanks, Microsoft. Thanks ever so much.

But hey, the wall outlet is fixed and my appliances are back in their rightful places now.

posted by Skattieboy @ 7:28 PM

Looks like Keanu has finally found his niche

The first time I saw a preview of "Hardball", I thought it had to be a put-on. Now I’m just highly amused.

posted by Skattieboy @ 3:05 PM

Please don't do that

Don't stop by my office and act all cute and smiley (tee hee hee) and tell me that since our friends are learning to snowboard this winter, we should, too. Don't say we should hang out when I remember full well the rude things you said about some of my friends. And just... don't.

I hate that I have to act nice to you just because I'm diplomatic and expected to act grown-up and because I want to avoid any awkwardness. I hate that I can't tell you that I remember everything you said and that I'm still bitter. I hate that you're humorless and insecure and more than a little mean-spirited, and I hate, really hate that I have to see you around.

Just don't, okay?

posted by Skattieboy @ 1:50 PM

Y'know

I love Ant'ny's pizza. Really, I do. It's just that every once in a while, I get a bite of crust that tastes like cockroach spray smells.

posted by Skattieboy @ 1:46 PM

Bric-a-brac

I think I figured out what’s wrong with the “comments” system, based on what I’m seeing elsewhere; essentially, it seems as if Reblogger reset last night and wiped out previous days and days of comments. Will they come back? I don’t know.

After losing the URL, I quite by happenstance found Tim’s blog again, and I have to apologize. He’s really a most amusing chap, a fellow Chuck Taylor wearer (I still can’t find them out here, by the way), and the pic of him in the Green Lantern costume is a real treat.

I can’t tell if Sequential Arts is dead or not, but neither Chance nor I have posted there in a while. It’s frustrating, seeing a labor of love go unappreciated, and I feel like posting some opinions on some comics I’ve bought, read, and enjoyed lately, but knowing that it’s unlikely to be seen (or at least remarked upon) just discourages me.

Yes, my infamous, movie critic evil twin will be here soon, probably in the very early hours, and I’m looking forward to it. There’s disc golf, good Mexican food, “Ghost World”, and more in store for the weekend, and it should shake me out of my rut.

posted by Skattieboy @ 11:56 AM

Let the debate begin

I'm just going to post this and keep my big nose out of it (for the time being), because I'm curious about what others may think (article courtesy of The Denver Rocky Mountain News):

City might have 2 Columbus Day parades

John C. Ensslin

August 29, 2001 - Denver might wind up with two Columbus Day parades if organizers can't resolve their feud over what to call the event.

People of Italian descent and others recently took turns standing in line around the clock for 34 days to make sure they got the permit for a parade on Oct. 8.
They were concerned that people who protested last year's Columbus Day parade would preempt this year's event by securing the only permit.

This week, however, some of those Columbus supporters asked Denver officials for a second permit to hold another parade later that day.

They are upset that the original permit reads: "Columbus Day Italian Pride Parade" rather than just Columbus Day.

"We sat in line to have a Columbus Day permit, not an Italian Pride permit," George Vendegnia, a founder of the Sons of Italy New Generation Lodge No. 270, said Tuesday. "The calendar says Columbus Day. That's what we want."

Vendegnia said his group is also miffed that this year's permit is made out to the Denver Italian-American Anti-Discrimination Association. The contact person is listed as C.M. Mangiaracina. He could not be reached for comment Tuesday.

But Denver Police Sgt. Dave Levy said several members of the group were present when the permit was typed and presented for their inspection.

"We don't make this stuff up," Levy said.

Vendegnia said his group has requested a permit for a second parade that would begin at 2 p.m. rather than the 10 a.m. start listed on the earlier permit.

Levy said the law does allow more than one parade in a day, provided they do not overlap, are sufficiently separated and end by 4 p.m.

Denver Manager of Safety Ari Zavaras, however, has asked the city attorney's office for an opinion.

"There were others that wanted a parade permit that day," Zavaras said.

He is also concerned about police having to provide protection for two parades in one day.

Zavaras said he plans to meet with members of the Sons of Italy later this week before making a final decision.

Last year's Columbus Day parade attracted a counter demonstration led by activists who view Christopher Columbus as a genocidal killer.

In an effort to defuse the situation, the U.S. Justice Department brokered a short-lived agreement in which the parade would have been called "The March for Italian Pride" with no mention of Columbus.

That agreement foundered, however, and 147 anti-Columbus demonstrators were arrested as they sat in the street, blocking the parade route. Most of those misdemeanor cases, however, were later dismissed.

This year, Glenn Morris, a leader in the American Indian Movement, said his group continues to plan for their Four Directions All Nations March on Oct. 6, no matter what the Italians decide.

posted by Skattieboy @ 10:30 AM

Evhead REALLY is out to get me

Yeah, I know the site's been funky, especially the "comments" system. I'm working on finding out what's wrong. But I can't help being a mite suspicious...

posted by Skattieboy @ 10:24 AM
Wednesday, August 29, 2001

It REALLY is the little things that make me happy

So, wonder of wonders, I somehow managed to track down Mr. Elusive Dickhead, whom some of you may recall as the guy who ran me and my bike down way back in March. Seems he moved and didn't tell me and wasn't exactly coughing up the money he owed me. As luck would have it, I ran across him today and he guiltily coughed some more money up, enabling me to make my weekly bike ride out to the comics shop for my fix, and get one of my wussy coffee drinks, and buy something good for dinner, rather than the rice, tuna, and veggies I was probably facing (not that there's anything wrong with it, but it just seemed rather dreary, all things considered).

And, in a completely brilliant move, the University of Colorado is having a miniature animal exhibit a week from Friday.

posted by Skattieboy @ 4:33 PM

In another sure sign I'm losing it

I believe I just may be addicted to checking my SiteMeter stats. Somebody help me!

posted by Skattieboy @ 2:11 PM

Am I being paranoid?

I realize this was in response to something else, but this comment by Evhead just has me thinking: So remember, boys and girls, edit your posts with care—you're being watched. Maybe by someone important...
– Ev. [8/28/2001 09:38:25 PM]
.

posted by Skattieboy @ 1:03 PM

Is that REALLY the time?

I don't think it had really struck me how long my butt has been nestled in the groove today. *sigh*

By the way, the electrician (whose name, and I kid you not, is Kane, and he sounds like a Kane) is scheduled to come by to look at the wiring, so maybe I can get my coffeemaker and microwave off the floor of my living room. Call me anal, but everything has its place, and they just don't belong there.

I listened to some Brave Combo this morning, and polka just seems to have this cheery little effect.

posted by Skattieboy @ 12:58 PM

so many thoughts

I hope they don't come spilling out, like a bag of marbles, untied, scattering over a tabletop and rolling hither and thither...

*Ahem*

I sincerely hope nothing ever happen to compromise my daily fix of Colombian, without which I might not perish, but I would surely revert to some mere shell of myself.

I got this cheerful little astrological forecast this morning, but (in all fairness) it does contain some helpful advice: This is a good day to bring fresh energy into your home, Scott. Maybe it's time to adopt a pet from an animal shelter! You have a lot of love to give to a puppy or a kitten. Or maybe you'll decide to brighten things up by holding a party in your home. Lots of companions chatting and having a good time could be just the right thing. You might need friends around you right now to cheer you up.

The part about "needing friends around" me is pretty applicable, I'd say. The party thing is definitely a "no go", as I function okay at parties, but am a horrid host, feeling things are out of my control and wanting to chase people around with coasters and a Dustbuster. And pets are right out. The lease clearly states no pooches (sadly) and I'm allergic to cats (it hit me last night, over at Tom and Rachel's, when their adorable kitty kept trying to get petting affection from me while my nose bothered me and my eyes itched. Not that I didn't know it before, but it sort of underlined that point).

And, speaking of astrological forecasts, what about this quote from Martin Gardner: "We pride ourselves on our advanced scientific technology, and yet public education on science has sunk so low that a fourth of Americans and 55 percent of teenagers believe in astrology, not to mention a recent president of the nation and his first lady!" (quoted from "How to Think About Weird Things: Critical Thinking for a New Age", Theodore Schick, Jr. and Lewis Vaughn, authors).

So I hung out for a bit last night, talking through other folks' troubles and running in a new park for a change (and Tom was frustrated at being unable to really jog for long stretches, not reconizing that he hadn't been in a while, and when it became clear that I wasn't really getting much a workout, I jogged ahead and came back for him several times). And I was delighted to come back to not one, but several messages from people wanting to spend time with me, after me self- and financially-imposed seclusion of the past week or so. It struck me, suddenly, about how simple gestures like that have the power to lift my spirits so noticeably, and that despite my curmudgeonly nature, I really need other people.

It seems such a simple conclusion to reach, and yet so hard to grasp at times. Oh, I do reach out to others. I don't want to give the impression that I'm one of the "walking wounded" (one of those folks so damaged by others that they can't share their lives with others), but I have this tendency to try to be self-sufficient. I supoose part of it stems from being a twin, and feeling like you're always part of a pair, and wanitng to assert your autonomy. Another part of it is growing up with a martyr-like mother who gives and gives, but rarely finds herself able to receive from others. And I'm certain that part of it is my overly introspective nature, which always has me thinking about things before acting.

Anyway, the point was that I was suddenly cheered, in the midst of a feeling of a really gloomy week. My brother will be here Friday, and various folks are wanting to spend time with me or us (funny how that always seems to happen in kind of a "feast or famine" manner).

On a different note, I've really been thinking (probably thinking too much) about what this blog is about. I know I've turned this over before, but I've made little unsuccessful attempts to expand a bit, and they just leave me unhappy about the results.

Part of the problem, I suspect, is that I've just felt sort of duty-bound to blog, to provide some sort of entertainment, and my heart hasn't always been in it. I just sort of type automatically, and it comes off as uninspired. And I hate that, as it's not a reflection of me. So I'm trying to be a bit more thoughtful here, and I'm going to try to keep that in mind, especially when classes start up again and I don't have nearly the amount of leisure time I've had.

Soundtrack provided by Gorillaz

posted by Skattieboy @ 10:34 AM
Tuesday, August 28, 2001

Me? Misanthropic?

Possibly. I'm certain it has nothing to do with the fact that I saw the girl for the first time in a couple weeks.

Hey, but several people seem to like my accidentally short hair and developing beard.

posted by Skattieboy @ 4:00 PM

Um, why is it?

That certain people don't seem to grasp the concept that when it's very warm outside, you should wait until the evening to water? Is that really such a hard concept to grasp? I gather it is, here in often sunny Denver, as not only my roommates, but many of my neighbors also, indulge in this completely useless and wasteful practice.

posted by Skattieboy @ 3:58 PM

God, I'm bored

I finished my online training for NIMH (seems anybody who does experiments with humans has to complete a certification in human subject rights, which isn't a bad idea, but heaven knows the actual certification itself was so ridiculously easy and so completely unmemorable that I could picture 5-year-olds passing the test), walked around, read, ate, started my laundry, and now I am completely, out of my skull, stupefyingly bored. BORED.

posted by Skattieboy @ 3:43 PM

You may intuit

That from my other entries for the day, I have nothing substantive to say. You would be correct.

Instead, I will tell you that I'm listening to the Chinkees.

Thank you for your continued support. Love and kisses.

posted by Skattieboy @ 10:51 AM

Here's a little something on bipolar disorder

Since more people ask me about it than any other psychology related topic: here you go.


posted by Skattieboy @ 9:58 AM

Hmmmmmm

You may or may not find this article (on the existence of so-called "mirror" neurons) interesting, but I sure as hell did.

posted by Skattieboy @ 9:55 AM

More on Weezer

Because I feel like being a complete nerd today...

The performance is September 18th, a Tuesday night, and tickets are $25. I have to wait until I get paid (Saturday, the 1st of the month) to try to purchase them, but I believe my buddy Jon (different Jon) will be coming along.

posted by Skattieboy @ 9:40 AM

Okay, Mr. David Foster Wallace

12 pages and I believe you've managed to draw me in. How many more to go in that massive tome?

posted by Skattieboy @ 9:37 AM
Monday, August 27, 2001

Welly welly well

I think I'm done (for now) with the changes to my other pages. And with a couple minor tweaks (new wallpaper, an addition to the sidebar, and one other thing), I think I'll FINALLY stop acting like the most obsessive human on the planet.

Now... Does anybody know how to fix the template so the background stays stationary while the text boxes scroll?

posted by Skattieboy @ 6:29 PM

Hahahahahaha

I believe I just had a visit from EvHead, the same day I was whining for the umpteenth time about Blogger. My timing is exquisite.

posted by Skattieboy @ 5:18 PM

Okay, I'm making the investment

I started "Infinite Jest". Will I finish it? I only have 14 days until classes start. Keep your fingers crossed.

posted by Skattieboy @ 4:57 PM

A little bit of candor

It hit me, when I was showering up today: I am depressed. I've been trying to tell myself I'm not and pull myself out of it, but there's a funk to me (and not in a good way or in a smelly way, but in an "I don't feel great" way). I think the whole experience with the girl really got to me, not because I'm so disappointed it didn't work out (I am, but not that upset about it). but because it just really shook me, made me pull back and really think about who I am and where I am, and then there've been all these other little things weighing me down.

This has been kind of a summer of being static. Oh, I've gotten some stuff done, but I'd like to think I've gotten more accomplished than I have, and that hasn't been the case. I find myself just avoiding dealing with things and wishing I could be like everybody else, who seems to be going off on vacations, while I'm left here, bored and unsatisfied.

*Sigh*

Not to bring anyone else down. I'm just thinking these thoughts "out loud" for the first time, really turning them over and trying to decide what to do about them.

It will be sort of nice when classes start up again in September, because then I'll be so busy that I won't have the leisure time to engage in this circuitous introspection, over and over. And I'll be a little richer then (I hope), so I can stop spending my nights at home, working on making the assgroove in the futon a little deeper, TV playing in the background while I ignore it, retreating into this little internet addiction I'm in denial about.

posted by Skattieboy @ 2:43 PM

Hey!

Meredith moved (probably because Blogger has been such a pain of late).

And I changed the wallpaper. It's probably only temporary until I can find something more suitable, though.

And I keep listening to "John Barleycorn Must Live", by the Minus 5, over and over. And the cd player's not malfunctioning.

posted by Skattieboy @ 12:57 PM

Waxing philosophical about “Star Trek”

So there’ve been a lot of folks linking to Wil Wheaton’s blog, and I suppose that has me thinking about “Star Trek” a bit, especially in light of some of his comments about the spitefulness of the geekboys at him. And it’s true that he was unfairly picked on, when he had very little input on his “Next Generation” role. But I think he brought a bit of that on himself, by bashing “Trek” after he left that series. Thankfully, he seems to have gotten past that, although you can still sense some of that bitterness and frustration, probably because he still keeps getting the treatment at the hands of the series’ fans.

Anyway, my thinking was actually much more tangential with regards to “Trek”. I wouldn’t categorize myself as a fan of the same proportions as many folks I’ve met, but I do enjoy some of the “Next Generation” repeats and the original series, and I’ve been known to get geeky when the films come out (an enthusiasm that’s dwindled as the movies have gotten progressively weaker). And I find myself somewhat enthusiastic about ”Enterprise”, despite myself. I guess it’s because I can’t help but wax nostalgic about the sense of wonder I found as a little geekboy, watching repeats of the original series and hoping to recapture that energy.


posted by Skattieboy @ 12:09 PM

On how some people still cling to the notion of “nature OR nurture”

This is the kind of logic that just frustrates me. Here’s someone with the best of intentions, promoting mental health rights, but spouting opinions which attack the psychiatric community and selectively choosing which aspects of research to embrace. It pays to be a critical thinker when you read things.


posted by Skattieboy @ 12:08 PM

Another lazy day

I really have no plans for the day, except to drop off my financial aid paperwork. I’d like to say that there’s something exciting in store, but I suspect there’s not. I’m afraid to admit that I’ve been a social recluse of late, without even really thinking about it and choosing to be that way, as many of my friends have been elusive, and I’ve been sufficiently broke as to limit my spending and entertaining. I even skipped out on seeing X perform Saturday night. I’m lame.

In other news, Weezer will be here in September.

posted by Skattieboy @ 12:07 PM

Apropos that this news should be coming in 2001, no?

For those of you curious about advances in artificial intelligence, check out this article on Hal.

posted by Skattieboy @ 12:07 PM

I’m not going to whine about Blogger

Really. I mean, it is a free service, after all. So I can live with the inconvenience of being unable to visit any BlogSpot-hosted weblogs or the inability to post to my own blog without wanting to swear like twelve-year-old boys in gym class after the coach has left to answer a phone call. I really can resist the urge to bitch. Really.

posted by Skattieboy @ 12:06 PM
Sunday, August 26, 2001

Things friends shouldn't let friends do

So I let Rachel try to cut my hair. Big mistake. The folks who had to fix it at GreatCuts got a good laugh, though.

posted by Skattieboy @ 4:31 PM

Something to chew on

Ponder the information here and then tell me that stuff like this shouldn’t affect social policy decisions.

posted by Skattieboy @ 4:30 PM

On why I am white trash

(At least in part)

There was something very satisfying about sleeping in (even ignoring Tom, who showed up unannounced this morning, but I ignored his doorknocking) and then getting up to hot black coffee and a thick newspaper, with “Sports” section. I scare myself sometimes.


posted by Skattieboy @ 4:29 PM

Ugh…

So how many Kevin Smith movies does it take to get you mindstaggeringly drunk? Well, consider that I got over to Ben’s late, with “Mallrats” already underway, and by the time we’d gotten 40 minutes into the film, I’d finished off four Anchor Steams. Needless to say, we only made it through “Mallrats” and “Chasing Amy” before Ben was passing out and Pat and I took off.

Um, and you can download the rules for yourself here. In answer to your question, though, Keith, there are general rules and rules for each specific movie. But let me just say that the killers are all the Rick Derris references and Brodie’s damned Dixie cup.

By the way, the evening went rather well, until someone put me on the spot about the girl. That hushed us all for a while.

posted by Skattieboy @ 12:55 PM

Thank you

Honestly, thank you. You had no reason to help out a total stranger, and yet you did, and it's very much appreciated.

posted by Skattieboy @ 1:53 AM
Saturday, August 25, 2001

Can you tell I'm bored?

Been fiddling with both the about me and
links pages again, with some new content and new templates (yet again). I haven't gotten around to editing those templates yet, though.

posted by Skattieboy @ 2:51 PM

Would you think less of me

If I were to confess that I got perverse satisfaction from tossing out the "TV Guide" with Kelly Ripa on the cover?

posted by Skattieboy @ 2:48 PM

I'm a linkwhore

Well, maybe not. Or maybe. I don't know. But I do know that I updated the Links page again, to include some very dandy folks I've stumbled across. And if you're not included and think you should be, well, you can always complain to me.

posted by Skattieboy @ 10:55 AM

What REALLY happened last night

I spent far too much time online, after my last entry, hung out with Tom and his daughter for a little while (they just stopped over unannounced, which was really okay, since I needed a little company, even for a short time) and then helped them load some of his stuff into his truck. Then I resumed my beer consumption, watched some TV, and passed out. And as it always happens when I drink a bit, I woke up very early, feeling a bit nauseous (not hungover nauseous, but just "tummy hurting" nauseous) to an awareness that I've picked up some stupid summer cold and just tossed and turned for a while. Then, finally asleep again, I was awakened by weird noises from above, which I took to be my roomie's cats puncing about, but which turned out to be thunder and lightning. That little realization actually made it easier for me to fall back into slumber.

And now I'm up to coffee and OJ, not wanting to eat just yet, because my stomach's still feeling unsettled, and because I have tentative breakfast/brunch plans.

Oh, and I've been invited over for Kevin Smith drinking games tonight, but she might be there, and I can't decide whether that would be wise.

posted by Skattieboy @ 10:04 AM

So about last night

If I called up drunk and yelled at you for hurting me, and told your mother and father you were nuts and someone who uses other people to feel better about herself, and then went on to warn your roommates that things would end up where you wouldn't even be speaking to each other anymore because that's what always happens with you, and then told you flat out to stop trying to talk to me because I don't want to talk to you anymore... I'd probably feel bad right now.

But it didn't happen. I just kind of wish it did.

posted by Skattieboy @ 9:57 AM
Friday, August 24, 2001

My exciting Friday night

So I washed and dried my laundry, I'm watering the lawn, I'm drinking beer, and I'm watching an NFL preseason game. I could have gone to the Bluebird to see some altcountry music with John, but just didn't really feel like it. I need rest.

Oh, and the generous and talented Meredith somehow got roped into coming up with a new design for this hyar blog. It's gonna be spiffy. You'll be impressed. And she deserves kudos. Kudos (or the singular thereof), Merde!

posted by Skattieboy @ 6:55 PM

An oldie but a goodie

I hadn't visited Blather in a while, but do yourself a favor and do so. Now. I'm pleased to report that Bill is every bit as funny as he's always been, and is even sporting a new look.

posted by Skattieboy @ 2:53 PM

I wanna be loved

Um, that's a line from an Elvis Costello song, by the way (and yeah, I know it was overproduced, but I still like it, so there you go).

I was just thinking about self-deprecation and what it means, really, especially with regards to blogging in general and me in particular. You see, not to indulge in too much self-analysis here (although you're dealing with a clinical psych grad student here, folks, and it's been noted plenty that you don't pursue that unless you're seeking insight into yourself. There's a reason most clinical psychologists have seen or continue to see therapists), but I am very self-deprecating. It comes of being unnecessarily harsh and judgmental towards myself, I think, but there's also a bit of realistic self-appraisal involved, too.

In short, I'm neurotic as hell. I think that I (as well as a lot of folks out there blogging) really do want to be loved. It's why blogs tend to be public, not private. There's something so very thrilling in having total strangers pulled into your little world. It's the rationale for additions to blogs like sitemeters, I suspect. We want to knoww we're being observed, and better yet, loved.

I mean, part of my reason for this is the cathartic release, although I could just as well buy a notebook and spew there. Part of it is also me trying to communicate with folks I love who are ohsofar away. But there's also this part of me that desires approval. Adulation. Acceptance.

I guess in a way this is performance. It's not very expertly acted or executed, the script's not all that clever, and the acting isn't always that convincing. But it does serve the purpose of trying to get some sort of reaction.

posted by Skattieboy @ 1:41 PM

Blogger's block

I try to open my mouth to speak, and nothing comes out. Nothing. I feel a bit spent. Maybe it's just that nothing's really happening for me to comment on. Really. I have to go in to do some data work for a while, and I'm scheduled to work on my master's project (and I wish I could talk about it, because it's really quite clever, I think, but I'm also afraid of having the idea swiped by a random visitor), but that's about it.

I'm looking forward to the weekend. I really don't know why, but I am.

posted by Skattieboy @ 8:32 AM
Thursday, August 23, 2001

I'm tired

I went running again, pushing myself a little harder tonight than I have in a while, and it felt good, but it also wore me out.

I'm loving the debate below, by the way, but I feel obliged to note that the whole reason for the entry was to do a little bit of an unmasking. You see, I have the feeling that while I can come across as a clever, intelligent, caring human at times, I avoid showing off my bad qualities, like my shallowness, my critical nature, my occasional arrogance, and my obliviousness. And I just thought y'all deserved to see me sans the facade. Not that you thought I was perfect, by any means, but let's face it; with the exception of a few of you, none of you really know me, except to the extent that I choose to reveal myself. That's one of the insidious things about the internet.

posted by Skattieboy @ 9:36 PM

On how I am horribly shallow

There's a very attractive RA who works in the lab next door to my office, and of course I'm intrigued. Yet, there's a very cool woman who works in the same office in which I do data entry who I am not at all interested in. And why? Because she's not just decidedly plain, but slightly homely. And I can tell she's interested, but I just can't bring myself to get over that "shortcoming".

It frustrates me. Really. I just think I should be so much better than that, and yet I am not.

That pattern may help explain why many of my relationships have been doomed to failure. Maybe.

I just don't know what to do about it, really.

posted by Skattieboy @ 4:09 PM

A Tom and Rachel update

I realize that only one person out there who reads this has even met them, but I really need to vent a bit about them.

Seems they're living together again, with separate bedrooms, but still with the same dysfunctional, co-dependent arrangment, where she gets to keep him around as a friend, and he gets to keep alive the precious myth that they might get back together, despite the fact that it isn't going to happen. Oh, I'm sure things will be fine, until she gets another boyfriend, and then he'll come driving over here, distraught. And I wish that I could just be unsympathetic when he does, since I've already given him my advice and he ignored it. But I won't.

*sigh*

posted by Skattieboy @ 4:03 PM

Orange shirt day and other miscellany

Today was not orange shirt day. Tomorrow may be, though, and if so, I will drag out the webcam to commemorate the occasion.

I really like my Adidas sandals, by the way. They've got these dandy little bumpy things that massage your feet as you saunter about. My feet are just so relaxed at present.

I get passes to movie screenings, courtesy of my notreallyevil twin. I told you that before, right? So it's usually a mixed bag. For example, today's assortment included "O" (another Julia Stiles vehicle which looks to have been deservedly buried at the end of summer. I'll never get why she seems to be the flavor of the month... And is this supposed to be another version of "Othello"?) and "Novocaine" (a comedy-thriller starring Steve Martin, which I'd heard nothing about but will certainly be checking out).

By the way, said twin is coming out for a visit next week, and I'm looking forward to finally trying a Colorado disc golf course.

AND I finally got my Habanero chips.

posted by Skattieboy @ 3:44 PM

Yep, back to the old wallpaper

I, uh, got busted looking at my blog today by a new faculty member, and while she didn't even raise an eyebrow, I think that was a sign.

Besides, I've been feeling the need to change things around here. I've been experimenting with a new Blogger template, but I can't quite seem to get the code right to do what I want, so I haven't changed the appearance her just yet. I'll eventually want to alter it a bit more, anyway, but (for now) my html illiteracy is pretty annoying.

posted by Skattieboy @ 3:37 PM

Giving myself permission

It's after noon here, I'm still unshowered and not even really making plans for my day, and I really don't feel too guilty about it. I'm just going to relax, take my time, and allow myself to do as I will (no, I'm not embracing Crowley here, folks). Maybe read a bit, watch a movie, walk around the surrounding area, and enjoy the company of friends. We'll see, though. I think I deserve a break today (trademark and copyright, Evil, Monolithic Corporate Entity).

posted by Skattieboy @ 12:15 PM

Belated thanks

If you ever wondered just why I don't have one of those annoying "Blogger" banners at the top of the page, it's because of the kindness and generosity of the lovely and talented Tabitha. Thank you, ma'am.

posted by Skattieboy @ 12:12 PM

Holy Hell!

Another worthy "Blog of Note"? Yardsale? Way to go, youngster.

posted by Skattieboy @ 12:08 PM
Wednesday, August 22, 2001

Bored of the usual horoscope?

Try this on for size. Here's mine:

AQUARIUS...

When asked to give a meaningful description, those who know you well may use such expressions as 'weird,' 'strange,' 'peculiar,' unorthodox,' 'unpredictable' and 'one-of-a-kind.' It is so difficult to deal with you because others never know how you will think, act or react. Friends figure importantly but unfortunately you tend to gravitate to associates who are regarded by 'regular folks' as oddballs. Many of your acquaintances/friends may decline invitations simply because they never know which others you'll also include in whatever activities you plan. Friend-oriented? Yes, but seldom are you a totally reliable friend, as too many have learned. Since your motivations/objectives change so suddenly and frequently, yesterday's pals may not 'fit' today's requirements and interests. That happy, easy-going friend to everyone runs a mile when confronted with issues of closeness, support and intimacy. You keep a safe distance from other people's emotions though that distance is set by you only and no-one knows how close you're going to be from one moment to the next. But you're an individual right? So you haven't got to provide any explanation why you're their best friend one day and no-where to be seen the next. You like to think of yourself as unique; a little eccentric and the owner of a really inventive and original mind... Most of the time your just an immature rebel who can't handle anything which takes a little effort to develop or which involves conforming to the ways of others. When the going gets tough you pretend you were never involved in the first place. Freedom? More like slimey escapism.

(link courtesy of Andrew)

posted by Skattieboy @ 4:52 PM

And one more thing

I think I figured out the problem with linking images from my old MSN homepage to my blog. Does this mean I'll end up putting up images more often? We'll see.

posted by Skattieboy @ 4:21 PM

Hooray!

Sloan has a new album (""Pretty Together") that's scheduled for release on Tuesday, Oct. 9.

posted by Skattieboy @ 4:19 PM

You asked for it

Well, Meredith suggested that folks may actually want me to vent about the girl. To be honest, I have kind of held off on it partly out of respect for her, knowing that she sometimes reads this page, and not wanting to unnecessarily complicate things.

But, in truth, this is my forum. And I haven't really formulated everything I'd like to say on the matter, but I think it would do me good to blow off some steam.

Ready?

I can't even begin to describe my disappointment in her, in the whole situation. I was so very vulnerable, despite my guardedness, and I put myself out there repeatedly. Yes, I should have known better, given all I knew of her, from her insecurity to her past to her depression. But I still gave what I could. And I didn't deserve all the little games and BS that I got.

Part of what was so frustrating was seeing the beauty in her, when she could just be herself and not act through her neuroses. Seeing what she could be, enough that I wanted to help draw that out of her, and help her. And yes, I really came to care, despite a path that had plenty of starts, stops, reversals, sidetracks, etc.

And the way that it ended was just so ridiculous, but so in keeping with the tone of the whole relationship. It was so bitter, so spiteful, so childish, on both our parts, that I'm still ashamed. The things she said were so horrible, so unforgivable that I found myself stunned and injured and still feel those wounds now, much later.

So when she called last night to apologize, I hung up. I couldn't hear it, and I know it wasn't the way to react, but she touched a nerve, still very raw, and that pain and frustration just flared. Even thinking about it now makes me bristle.

posted by Skattieboy @ 4:16 PM

Blogging out of boredom, duty, what?

I guess I think way too much, because I just look over my entries, and wonder why I can't be deeper, funnier, or just generally more entertaining of late. At times I find myself posting out of some sense of obligation, I think, like I have to say something each and every morning.

In a way, it's probably good, in that it gives me practice just composing straight from the top of my consciousness, but it also feels a bit forced.

And I've wavered so much in what this blog should be about. Me working on my writing and expression, an outlet for my internalized processes, or a pleasant diversion for my vast, vast audience (tongue firmly in cheek). And I still don't know. It seems some folks visit for one reason, others for another reason. And should I really worry what others think?

Part of the reason for this line of thinking is that I found myself really venting last night, for the first time, about the girl, and I realized that I've been censoring myself for a long time. Holding down these feelings of hurt and bitter, bitter disappointment. And letting some of that out felt so good, so natural.

I really haven't come to a firm conclusion about this. But I'm going to ponder some more.

posted by Skattieboy @ 11:18 AM

Just a word of warning

When my sitemeter stats hit 2,317, I'm heading for the hills.

posted by Skattieboy @ 11:10 AM

A funny little evening

So I really felt like relaxing last night, not doing much of anything. But instead I found myself working out and then going off to the track, as usual. Quite unintentionally, I walked out of the basement and scared the hell out of my jumpy roomie (evidently, I'm very quiet), just as Tom and Rachel pulled up out of the blue. They wanted to see if I wanted to go for a drive up to Boulder, just to give the new truck a shakedown. I was a little confused, and politely turned down the company and headed out, intending just to walk, since my knees were quite sore. Instead, I found myself doing the usual run without the aid of pretreatment (a bit of a surprise) and felt quite good.

To reward myself, I stopped by the grocery store to get fruit, OJ, and Pop-Tarts (I couldn't face the possibility of another morning with that stuff Safeway calls cereal), but forgot the multi-vitamins, and then stopped off to get some beer to really treat myself. I was a bit stunned that Pete's has a new design, but the beer is still what I remember, thankfully.

So I came back, settled in with a few drinks (and I noticed that running dehydrated me sufficiently that the beer was hitting me harder than it should have), and was planning to watch some of "Mystery Train", which I've been busy talking up to numerous folks, but instead ended up on the phone, talking to my leedle fren' for a while. And guess what? I felt good. Relaxed, not so worried, and positive. And that carried over to this morning.

I think I realized that I haven't really been talking to folks much. And when I've been helping others, it's mostly felt like an obligation, rather than something I wanted to do. And I came away feeling drained of energy. But last night I felt as if I really wanted to help, and didn't feel like I'd been leeched.

I'll let you come up with your own moral to this little tale. My only conclusion was that the evening didn't look anything like I'd planned, but it somehow turned out to be quite pleasant.

posted by Skattieboy @ 9:52 AM
Tuesday, August 21, 2001

Metal band or "Next Generation" episode?

You decide (link courtesy of Karen and Sandro).

posted by Skattieboy @ 10:34 PM

Okay

So in case anybody ever wonders what I look like, here you go.

posted by Skattieboy @ 9:42 PM

Ding dong, the witch is dead?

Can it be true? He'd better not be messing with us.

posted by Skattieboy @ 9:35 PM

Since we last spoke

I managed to complete the revisions to my report, check out two books from the library for my master's proposal, generate items for said proposal project, stop by to get a couple cheese slices from Ant'ny's, and fix some of the links on my link page. Who says I can't be productive?

posted by Skattieboy @ 5:33 PM

So

Been fiddling around with both the about me and the links pages again, with new templates (I'll probably change the colors eventually) and updating. I haven't touched this page yet, as I really need to figure out html a bit more so I don't mess things up and lose the "Comments" feature or any of the other changes I'm partial to. Yeah, I'm still looking for help there (Keith ?).

And I'm pondering accepting student loans this year so I can afford my friggin' books and medical insurance. Bah.

posted by Skattieboy @ 11:16 AM

Public service announcements

*ahem* Safeway's Crunchy Nuggets cereal is decidedly untasty. Even with a whole passel of raisins, sweet rice milk, and an accompaniment of orange juice and good strong coffee, I believe it still qualifies as WORST CEREAL EVER.

I worked a little on the Links page, changing the background and template (that color change thing was annoying me, too) and adding a couple links, and just generally rearranging.

Did you realize that wool sweaters will REALLY shrink in the dryer? I do. Now.

I've been reading the first graphic novel collection of "Strangehaven", "Arcadia", which is written and drawn by the talented Gary Spencer Millidge. The first stuff is a little crude, but the story is still quite intriguing, and his art in the newest issue (# 13) has really taken a huge leap forward.

Yeah, Camus was a little too much for bedtime reading.

posted by Skattieboy @ 9:28 AM
Monday, August 20, 2001

The bastard's back

Nobody's supposed to know, but Bryan came back. Keep it under your hat, folks.

posted by Skattieboy @ 6:40 PM

You'd think

That somebody as neurotic about typos would know how to use spellcheck, wouldn't you?

posted by Skattieboy @ 3:44 PM

O ye of little faith

I betcha you didn't think I'd get it done, now did you? Well, I did. I managed to get that report written (even if it's only the first draft and I'll probably get it back with about a million changes needed and a short amount of time to turn around the next draft) this morning, went in and even worked for a while, and felt pretty darned proud of myself. Now, of course, I have to get busy actually working on the task part of my master's proposal, but for the moment, I'm going to bask in the glorious feeling that actually having accomplished something allows.

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...

Now then.

Turns out the universe has this weird little way of frustrating me. It seems roomie's friend decided not to go back and so will be here until Thursday. That brings a little smile to my face, even as I know it won't really change much of anything (since I'll be busy for much of that time, and hence unable to exploit the opportunity to flirt shamelessly), because she offers respite from what seems like a personal drought, even if only for a short amount of time.

And I really want to get my microwave and coffeemaker off the floor, but since my landlord doesn't seem to be in too much of a hurry to fix my outlet (he stopped by with a new circuit breaker but didn't install it, visiting just long enough to hit on roomies and friend, which left me to be the apologist for the entire population of male humans).

I had the bad sense to try to get some entertainment out of "TV Guide", but ended up intrigued by the new "Trek" series and disgusted at the idiot who claims to be their TV critic (Matt Roush, who had the gall to contradict me by saying "Six Feet Under" is overrated. He probably thought this season of "The Sopranos" was good).

I finally got my jalapeno chips, by the way.

Oh, and I'm procrastinating again.

posted by Skattieboy @ 3:34 PM

No, dammit

I don't want to work. After that last entry, I got nothing done on the report. Nothing at all. I'm such a procrastinator.

posted by Skattieboy @ 9:02 AM
Sunday, August 19, 2001

I ran again

It was warm, my belly was too full, and I started cramping up almost immediately. But I'm glad I ran. It felt good, my mind feels a bit cleansed, and I think I may just get some work done now.

posted by Skattieboy @ 8:58 PM

Can you tell I don't feel like working on that report?

It won't actually be that tough, except for wording it, since I have everything I want to say right in my noodle, after all. It's probably about two hours' worth of work, but I just don't want to do it. Not until later, anyway.

posted by Skattieboy @ 6:09 PM

My two cents’ worth

In other words, I’m going to shoot off my mouth, probably just because I feel like it.

Donald Woods died Sunday in London. A lot of you probably have no idea who he was, but he inspired me, really. Oh, I didn’t become a great social reformer, but his writings, and his efforts changed a lot of the ways I thought about the world, in a real world kind of way that Marx, Locke, etc. just couldn’t touch. He was a white South African journalist, and the guy responsible for bringing Stephen Bantu Biko’s story to the world. He may not have been beaten and murdered as Biko was, but he went through considerable danger and suffering and contributed to the downfall of apartheid. Yeah, “Cry Freedom” kind of played up the Woods story while neglecting Biko. But Woods was a good example of one simple man doing something to bring about justice.

Florida seems to be swarming with sharks. Or at least it does if you listen to the TV or radio or read the newspaper. It’s kind of sad, as I can see a fascination with sharks, but also a kind of dread and sensationalism that I fear will result in hunting, which is just plain stupid. People fear and hate what they don’t understand. Yeah, I’m sure folks who’ve been attacked (or their relatives) have a reason to complain, but let’s face it. Shark attacks are still statistically rare. Steaks and hot dogs kill far more people through choking, but you don’t see folks making such a big deal about them, now do you?

And I know this won’t be a popular opinion, but regardless of what else you may think about the Middle East, the violence today was just reprehensible. Yeah, the 13-year-old Arab boy who got killed was throwing stones. Yeah, the Arab man who got shot and killed was trying to sneak around an Israeli checkpoint (to get school books for his son). Yeah, the Israelis shot a missile into an Arab home. I’m sure some will try to justify that by pointing out the car bombings and random violence against Israelis. But let’s face it; if the Israelis weren’t our allies, there’d be a whole helluva lot more condemnation coming from the U.S. for that kind of BS. And I’m not going to excuse terrorist violence, in the Middle East or Ireland. But aren’t the people in power supposed to be better than that? Above mindless, stupid retaliation?

(And yes, I probably am speaking out my ass, from the lap of, if not luxury, then at least comfort, with my fa-fa green tea and my wasabi tuna fish sandwich nearby. Wanna make something of it?)

posted by Skattieboy @ 6:02 PM

My Saturday night

I was fairly exhausted after work for some reason and came home to relax for an hour. Then I helped Tom and Rachel move some stuff, drank a little beer, came back, and fell asleep trying to watch "Bottle Rocket". I was out by 11 PM, I reckon.

posted by Skattieboy @ 7:56 AM

I apologize

I have been such a whiner of late, something that grates on me when others indulge it for too long. And yet there's this frustration in me, this feeling that I'm a good person and I deserve better. I guess that much of it comes from being in an emotional time (partly chemical, I suspect, and partly just from a rather unsatisfying turn of events) and then having numerous demands placed on me from all kinds of places, overwhelming me. So at such times, I do find a way to deal with everything (or most of it, anyway) but the cost to my psyche, for the short term, is always expensive.

And many of the demands have been relaxed (although there are still some things to be dealt with), so now I'm cleaning house in the aftermath. That's what spurred the reflection below, really. Me trying to be objective about where I am and who I am. When you've felt a bit lost for a while, that self-appraisal can be a bit scary.

Sadly (but in an oddly comforting way), it seems so many other folks with blogs have, if not similar then at least analogous crises at this same time. It offers a bit more perspective to my own little petty dilemmas. Maybe.

I picked angry music this morning (the Dropkick Murphys), because I needed that energy and some emotional lyrics would have done me little good, as I try to wake up for another morning of work in the lab.

posted by Skattieboy @ 7:49 AM
Saturday, August 18, 2001

Oh, and also

I made a couple minor changes to the Links page, as promised.

Bree will be leaving tomorrow, so even though there seem to be sparks, she'll be in Washington state, with no promise of future contact. So it's not things are really looking up for me.

Just thought I'd make that correction, in case you felt like disproving my assertion that my life sucks.

posted by Skattieboy @ 9:38 PM

One year ago today

I was busy training my replacement in the lab.

I had found a place to live, but had no idea how I’d survive in Denver, far away from family and friends and the city I had spent the better part of 17 years living in, despite my hatred for the place.

I really had no clue whether I could stay afloat in a Ph.D. training program and whether I could even generate research ideas.

I hadn’t had a real relationship with a woman in a couple years, since a disastrous cohabitating experience with a kind-hearted, but depressed friend.

I had fallen for a woman I’d never met and dreaded the possibility of her meeting and hating me.

I had never eaten sushi.

I was in horrible shape, mentally and physically (I was 30 pounds heavier, with no stamina and no conditioning).

I had decided to change my life, giving up caffeine (ha!) for green tea, vowing to eat better (and I’ve managed to eat a little better, but I’m still the worst ovo-lacto fishetarian you’ll ever meet, nutrition-wise), hoping to learn to meditate (double ha!), and simplifying my consumer needs. I’ve made steps in all directions, I think.

I had no idea what I was in for, really.

posted by Skattieboy @ 9:34 PM

Don't make me open my big mouth

You don't need to know what's going on in my big head right now.

That's not me, but the Posies speaking. I just find it easier to use lyrics like that to try to relate to you my subjective experience at present. This realization I'm coming to, that my soul has been shaken by the experience with this girl, who will probably play nothing more than a trivial role in my life (not that there aren't wonderful things about her that I really could have cared about, but the experience itself just seemed so emblematic of a pattern in my life). I don't quite know how to put it into words you can grasp and understand. So instead I resort to glibness at times, or deflect while I cogitate some more. Oh, there's some bad internalizing going on, too, but rest assured that I will spew forth with something eventually. It may not be truly deep or take your breath away in a "Wow!" moment, as I may wish, but it's coming. Be patient.

Big thanks to Sherri (sorry to note that you're ex-LDS, but hey, you obviously overcame) for all the kind, wise words of late, by the way. And to Meredith (I still expect my very own Mr. Clean action figure) and Bryan (thanks to you, I watched "Barcelona" again last night) for the light-hearted amusement, to Grace (I'm glad the knee's feeling better) and Lorene (sorry for your work troubles) for the sweet blogging notes, and to Chance (I got the URL right this time) and Tab (you're even funnier after two Bloody Mary's) for talk of all sorts.

I have to work this morning. So I'm unhappily awake and staring about, still regaining consciousness.

posted by Skattieboy @ 7:22 AM
Friday, August 17, 2001

I feel

Like a wire that has been stripped, a sunburn that has been prematurely peeled and doused in lemon juice, a bone that has been re-broken before it could heal, a corn husked but never cooked and devoured.

Yeah, I think I'm pulling out of my several weeks long funk. Part of it is the brief presence of Bree, part of it is the truly overwhelming support from total strangers who don't even really know me, but feel sufficiently sympathetic as to reach out in my time of need, and part of it that a lot of stuff that has been burdening me is past. Oh, I still have my stresses, my insecurities, my sadness weighing heavily upon me at times, but I'm just so tired of feeling that way.

Thanks all.

There's still a ways to go, and the tingling of this raw emotion is a bit odd and threatening to engulf me, but I'm encouraged.

posted by Skattieboy @ 7:16 PM

Can you tell how tired I am?

After hours of data entry and double-checking and everything else that's gone on this week, plus all the BS in my life, my body just isn't responding. I mean, I feel like I just got back from running a marathon. I came home and all but collapsed, and even managed to doze through most of both "Simpsons" repeats. And, even worse, I have to work tomorrow and Sunday, so I can't even sleep in.

So my plans for the evening are modest: Perhaps a little beer, some preseason football (I could use some mindless entertainment, honestly), friends, and maybe a video. It doesn't sound like much, but it's so very necessary, I think.

posted by Skattieboy @ 6:27 PM

So the dinner party went quite well

It got started late, I had a stain on my pants (fruit juice, nothing untoward), and the thunder was rumbling overhead, but it was otherwise lovely. The Chardonnay went quite well with the various items in the meal, the company was very pleasant (including Bree, who was there after all, and charming and flirty, but lives in Washington, alas), and the meal itself was quite tasty. I even went home with leftovers, since roomies and friend are going up to Aspen for the weekend (with an invite for me, which I had to turn down, since I'm working. Rats.).

Wine and food ingested, I then watched a little taped TV (if I say what it will only open me up for mockery, so I'll keep it to myself), some telephone conversation with two of my favorite people in the world, and then the season ender of "Six Feet Under" (which I will continue to rave about until you watch it, so humor me now).

posted by Skattieboy @ 8:45 AM
Thursday, August 16, 2001

So I did some updating

I dropped and added some stuff on my Amazon wishlist. I don't know why I note that. But I thought you should know.

posted by Skattieboy @ 6:02 PM

I've been a helluva lot funnier

In my Reblogger comments than on my blog, I think. I'm not sure what's up with that.

posted by Skattieboy @ 5:59 PM

Sympathy?

I was a real ass earlier. Tab needed support and I was a bit of a jerk. Her life sucks, too. So you should go on over and provide sympathy. Now.

posted by Skattieboy @ 5:57 PM

So I'm dodging bullets all over

The girl won't be here tonight. There's probably a reason why. But it should make the evening much better, I think. Unfortunately, though, the cute friend won't be here, either. I feel a bit like Charlie Brown.

posted by Skattieboy @ 5:53 PM

For the last friggin' time

Jennifer Sanchez does not live here. Okay?

posted by Skattieboy @ 2:02 PM

Well, okay

All the getting duded-up, all the tossing and turning and thinking over what I'd say, all the preparation, all the having my bike tools confiscated out of my backpack (don't ask. I guess they thought I'd wind up injuring Mayor Wellington Webb with an allen wrench), and the waiting for 45 minutes, and they settled. I didn't even have to testify.

But, on the plus side, I had a great converstaion with my clinical supervisor about the NBA, research, Camus (I brought along a book just in case), the music scene in New York in the 80's (he was a grad at Columbia), and wines. So I got a recommendation for dinner tonight.

posted by Skattieboy @ 12:14 PM

On why am I a catch

If I end up marrying you, you have no need to worry about changing your last name. You see, I’ll be changing mine. It’s all to prove a point about a practice I find archaic and ridiculous. I just hope you have a cool last name.

posted by Skattieboy @ 7:46 AM

I have three friends named Rachel

Two of them are Jewish.

And on an entirely different tangent, I’ve noticed that there are a lot of Jewish psychology graduate students.

posted by Skattieboy @ 7:46 AM

So yes

Tonight should be interesting indeed. There will be drinking of wine, and eating of a delicious (I hope) meal (probably only delicious because my roomies will be making it), and talking and laughter, and insolent looks and tension. Yes. That should be fun.

FUN.

posted by Skattieboy @ 7:45 AM

Sleep used to be my friend

I used to love going to sleep. Sleep was my refuge from the boredom and frustration. I wanted to go to my bed, plop my weary head on the pillow, shut my eyes, and dream. Now I find that sleep is just this unsatisfying activity that my ohsosore body craves, dragging my brain with it. And even though I can’t remember the majority of my dreams, I know they’re tormented, as I awaken feeling panicked and unrested.

Is this what my life is going to be like? Finding my favorite activities drained of their appeal?

I really need those jalapeno chips.

posted by Skattieboy @ 7:44 AM
Wednesday, August 15, 2001

Dammit

I want my jalapeno chips. Stupid vending machine. Stupid grocery stores for not carrying them.

So I'm an idiot. I ran tonight.

The big news here, since President Moron left, is a story about a bear on the loose. I'm not kidding.


posted by Skattieboy @ 9:30 PM

So I'm feeling a bit better

My case presentation went well, and I got some strategy for court tomorrow morning (still nervous as hell, though), so things are looking a bit better. I jumped on my bike right after clinic and rode hard to the comics shop, so I have some stuff to delight me (even if the owner rubbed it in my face that I missed the Campbell signing).

If I haven't said it, I am touched by the outpouring of support, by the way. It's just that I'm so spent that it's tough for me to express that adequately. But thanks.

Tomorrow night should be entertaining. My friend Kristen and her hubby may make it after all, the girl will be there, Galena's friend Bree will be there, and they're making stuff for dinner from their garden. I'm bringing a nice bottle of wine. And the interactions may be pretty interesting. Bree is pretty cute and has been giving off some vibes at me, and I can't help but feel devious that way. Am I awful?

I can't tell if I've turned the corner on this awful emotional time.

posted by Skattieboy @ 4:55 PM

A couple shout-outs

Bryan updated his EZBoard, and it's really worth checking out, as is Sequential Arts, the board I co-admin with Chance (and his Bierce quotations are definitely worth a look-see, too). I've been pretty lax in updating that board, though. Such a slacker.

My Utah buddies (Lorene and Grace among them) have been very sweet of late.

And Tab's exchanges with Rubbertoe have been pretty comical. They made me laugh, anyway.

posted by Skattieboy @ 9:30 AM

OFFICIALLY exhausted

I passed out last night. Really. I watched some more of the taped "Six Feet Under" my brother sent (and if you haven't seen it, I highly recommend you do so. I mean, they'll probably go and do a "Sopranos" and stink it up next season, but for now it's really, really good, and the kind of stuff that keep my hope for TV as a vehicle for art alive) and just lay there, semi-paralyzed. I think my brain and my body are both frazzled.

I have been keeping up with my running, despite having my knee somewhat sore, but with a modification (running half a lap, then walking, running, walking, ad nauseam), and while the exercise feels good, it wears me out, and I return to my abode like a lemon that's been squeezed. It's good, in that it keeps me from dwelling, but it's awful to awaken tired and stiff.

I have to say it's nice not to have to dress up for clinic or shave today. I'm presenting, but things are casual, so I won't feel like a suit as I did Monday and Tuesday. I still have to type up something to pass out, discuss the scoring with the clinic assistant, and meet with my clinical supervisor to discuss going to court tomorrow (yeah, that's still happening), but today won't be too bad. What I'm really dreading is tomorrow, with court, starting my neuropsych report, and this dinner party with my roomies that they invited her to, with the best of intentions, but we all know will still be awkward. But hey, there will be wine (courtesy of me)...

Oh, I have to work this weekend, too. Bleh.

In a moment of festering stupidity, and because I think this emotional drain has pulled it out of me, I had the first Jenney dream in a long time, with predictable results. It's all the stupid girl's fault.

I really do feel like a husk. Like my strength has been drained by others, so now that I'm having stuff of my own to deal with, I don't know if I have it in me to be strong. The emotion and frustration was leaking out a bit yesterday.

By the way, no Morrissey on the cd player. Just the Posies and Sloan. Whiny pop.

posted by Skattieboy @ 9:14 AM
Tuesday, August 14, 2001

I REALLY am losing it

I just spent too much time fixing typos on my blog.

The assessment went well, and I do have to present tomorrow, but it won't be too bad.

I'm just so tired and feeling anxious, emotionally. About everything.

posted by Skattieboy @ 5:16 PM

"No time for love, Dr. Jones..."

Gotta get moving here, since I need to be fresh for the assessment.

I did run last night, which was a big mistake. My body just feels hammered.

Lots I've thought about but none of it comes to mind.

posted by Skattieboy @ 8:58 AM
Monday, August 13, 2001

On a downer

I'll be missing the Bruce Campbell signing at Tattered Cover tonight, since I have to wait for the landlord. And Dennis Miller is also here tonight, performing. Stupid Fate.

posted by Skattieboy @ 6:17 PM

So THAT happened

I came home to find out that my roomies were stoveless because the circuit burnt out. Turns out that the outlet runs down to my basement, too, where my microwave and coffee maker are plugged in. I'm happy to report that they weren't burnt out by the overload, which seems like a saving grace after everything else.

Oh, and my neuropsych assessment case went pretty well so far. He's a pleasant enough kid with (probably) ADHD and (maybe) some emotional problems. I'll find out more when testing resumes in the morning.

I'm not even thinking about getting together with her, by the way. I was just sadly musing about what it was that drew me to her in the first place, and I honestly still care about those aspects of her. But I recognize that with that comes a lot of baggage I can't and won't deal with. I care about her. That's all I was saying.

I'm tired.


posted by Skattieboy @ 5:43 PM

If I use the "comments" system on your blog

More likely than not, my comments will be fraught with typos aplenty. I really don't know why.

posted by Skattieboy @ 9:44 AM

And now it's faint nausea

I don't know if it's stress or what. I doubt it's coffee, although I consumed two cups already, since that's no different than any other morning. But it's like I just want to crawl back into bed and sleep the week through, wake up next Monday, and hope that things are a bit better. It's like I could deal with the school stress or this emotionality in isolation, but taken together, it's all too much.

*sigh* One day at a time, I guess.

I've decided part of my problem is that I'm good at dispensing advice, but bad at asking for help. Oh, it leaks out in a passive-aggressive, whiny way, but I can't just ask without feeling like I'm burdening others. There's a story there, but I don't feel like relating it right now.

So part of that interesting yesterday was talking to her about Tom and Rachel, but not the fallout of our discussion. It was a bit saddening, as we were talking through us through our interpretations of their relationship, and the emotion was still pretty raw. And I think I had forgotten or neglected some of the things I like about her, since I really haven't been around her too much and I've been unable to really think about me and my emotions, with the ever-hovering, ever seeking validation Tom around for a week. So, on top of that sudden rush of hurt that came on me Saturday night, that really struck me Sunday afternoon, and while I fell into bed (futon) exhausted last night and slept, it was with this overwhelming feeling pressing down on me.

Lordy, I'm really cheerful lately, no?

posted by Skattieboy @ 9:41 AM
Sunday, August 12, 2001

Bummed

I don't know if it's chemical or what, but I just feel horribly, completely crushed. This, despite a pretty decent morning in which friends made us a fabulous brunch (and I'm not kidding when I say that the hostess created a spread that was unbelievable considering the guests). After, I ended up helping the girl move, and it just dragged me further down into the pit to see the things I like so much in her but knowing that it's all offset by that unbelievable insecurity and unhappiness.

*sigh*

Tom is putting himself right back in that same place, despite the fact that he knows better and that I can't possibly approve.

And I went running tonight, surprising myself. I feel good physically.

But I'm a wreck emotionally.

posted by Skattieboy @ 10:18 PM

Um, so this forecast is a little hopeful

Maybe it's because I want this sort of input, but if true, it would be a nice turn of events: As the Sun moves in exact opposition to Uranus, you will find that any area of your life in which you have felt at all hemmed in or restricted is proving to be too much to deal with. You would be better to stop complaining and begin to do something positive, even if it is only taking a first step. Mercury moves into Virgo, which also means that you will be looking more intensely into specific issues in your life. Right now you are not content to dabble on the surface, but want to get to the heart of important matters. As Mercury moves to sextile Jupiter, you could begin to see more meaning in one particular incident that has had you baffled for some time. With Neptune and Uranus continuing to move through your own sign, you are continuously experiencing change of various kinds, and this is continuing to alter your perception of your life circumstances. As Pluto and Mars are also continuing to move through the section of your chart associated with social life, friends, groups, and clubs, you will certainly be experiencing a revolution in this sphere. Certain friends will disappear, while others who suit your new mood will take their place.

And I'm sorry about that last post, but I'm leaving it up, as a reminder of how truly frustrated I felt last night.

So it was an interesting evening. I managed to ditch Tom (lying to him, by telling him I had plans to see a film with friends) and was planning nothing more than to get beer, drink myself a bit stupid, and watch the preseason Broncos game. So I wandered over to the liquor store and spotted Tom's truck over at his old place and just got disgusted. Luckily, John and Luis rescued me, towing me along to John's brother's, despite my objections (and I was pretty upfront with being annoyed with Mike, which led to some funny exchanges, as Mike would make mooch comments and John and I would immediately pick on him). So that part of the evening was okay, but then I got that post-drinking melancholy that some of you know so well in me, walking home and feeling really shitty and picked on.

And I do still feel a bit like I've been getting the shaft by Fate of late, getting various things raining down on me when I just want to be able to relax for a month or so. But I guess I would be better served if I just did something and stopped whining. The question is what?

Ate at a new Mexican restaurant, and all I can say is that if a place is ranked the tops in your local rag, it means the food is really godawful.

My mother called to tell me she had gotten rid of some unwanted houseguests, at the same time I felt as if I wanted to strangle Tom, who was sitting moping on my futon couch.

Hey, I mowed the lawn this morning, so I did accomplish something.

As if to make up for things with the girl, my roomies have been really sweet of late.

posted by Skattieboy @ 11:17 AM

Never mind

Because if you knew how truly bitter I am, it wouldn't change a thing. You'd just think I was being whiny.

posted by Skattieboy @ 12:20 AM
Saturday, August 11, 2001

Okay, so he's gone for a bit

(SCREAMS)

Thank you. That felt a tiny bit better.

He even managed to spill ink on the carpet, which was brand new when I moved in in April. *sigh*

I feel like a shitheel (especially after John's pathetic little brother was being such a complete and utter dick last night), but I'm giving him the boot, regardless of whether he's planning to find someplace else to stay. To paraphrase Popeye: "I can't stands no more"!

Go read Lorene's entry today, by the way. It's sweet and pretty indicative of why she's such a good friend.

posted by Skattieboy @ 10:37 AM

I'm worn down

Quite honestly. I don't know how much more I really can take.

Yesterday at school was okay. Pretty no nonsense, went in and got my stuff done. Went out to get a couple beers at Happy Hour with some other grad students and was feeling okay, if a bit stressed. Then I got home and it was back to the same old BS, hearing Tom coming back to that same emotional spot and knowing there's nothing I can do to change that. And I'm realizing I can only do and say so much, and then he's gotta deal with it on his own. Sure I can be there to support him, but I can't give him answers.

And it's really a barrage from him. Question after question, seeking answers or vindication, and it feels like I'm getting dragged right into that same pit with him. And so help me, I've got my own problems to deal with.

So when I got a phone call, I just couldn't deal with it. I'm sorry. But my strength for helping others is really low at present, and with Tom staying with me, it's not like I can really chat on the phone about what's bothering me.

Anyway, we ended up going out to Alexander's (pool and a couple beers for Tom and some spicy Mexican fare for me), only to witness some further dispiriting interactions (the guys at the tables next to us had invited a couple strippers from a nearby "establishment" to dinner and the conversation was just pathetic), then over to John's briefly (his phone was engaged by the 'net, so we threw rocks at his window, and once in, found him engaged by some new friends, including a new friend's girlfriend for him to do his creepy bit with, and his annoying brother, who was really trying my patience), then out to a bar for more pool and beer (and it turns out he only wanted to go there to see if his ex would show). God.

By the way, Dylan, if you want me to help with your blog, get back to me, okay?

I'm drained.

I'm hoping like hell to get rid of him today, because I don't know how much more I can take.

posted by Skattieboy @ 8:23 AM
Friday, August 10, 2001

Movies

There are actually a few I want to see. There's a screening for Woody Allen's newest (and despite his slump of late, I'm still looking forward to it), "Curse of the Jade Scorpion" next Thursday, "Ghost World" opens soon after (and I'm not as high on Dan Clowes's stuff as some folks, but the advance buzz is good. Just so it doesn't end up as a "Being John Malkovich" experience, where everyone told me I had to see it and by the time I did, it was so built up that I wound up sorely disappointed and ended up hating the film), and Evil says "The Others" is pretty good.

posted by Skattieboy @ 9:36 AM

The guy's an idiot

You can read about it almost anywhere, but G.W.'s stance on stem cell research confirms what we already knew.

posted by Skattieboy @ 9:33 AM

I'm not feeling funny

As a matter of fact, I'm feeling downright bitter. Oh, maybe I shouldn't be. But I'm just really looking forward to getting rid of my house guest (who doesn't seem all that eager to be leaving and seems to be incapable of sensing when I need to be left alone {despite the fact that I went off to my bedroom with the report folder and a notepad and pen and closed the door, but that wasn't enough of a hint that I didn't need to be bothered by more incessant questioning, I guess}) and dealing with my own shit.

Yeah, it feels like it's raining poop on me of late, but I'm a great friend. It seems like things are turning around for Tom, as his point seems to have sunk in with his ex (she seems to have accepted that he's going through a hard time and can actually support him needing space to deal with the breakup), he may have found a house he can afford, and other aspects of his life may turn around, too.

So where's my guru, huh?

And the girl had the gall to ask me if Tom and I could help her move stuff Sunday.

I give up on giving advice, by the way.

I'm biting my tongue so hard that it's practically bleeding right now. There's this disturbing pattern to blog visits which is so transparent, so obvious, so creepy to me that I just long to scream about it, but I'm holding it in.

There's an off chance that things might be settled and I may not even need to show up for that court case next Thursday, but I remain pessimistic.

I believe I'll be going off to "Happy Hour" tonight and I have a couple things planned tomorrow, too, and I'm not inviting Tom along. I really need to be away from this, this soul drain.

I think I need this. To feel frustrated and pissy. So don't even try to make me feel better.

Actually, I'm okay. Just blowing off some steam.

posted by Skattieboy @ 9:11 AM
Thursday, August 09, 2001

I arose

Tired and sore, after what should have been an adequate night's sleep. Do I feel well-rested? Nope.

Tom was tossing and turning last night, and given that I'm a light sleeper, his room-next-to-mine thrashings meant I couldn't sleep, either, at least for a while. Luckily for me (but not for him), he slept through the alarm and woke up an hour late, so I didn't get the 5:30 disturbance. The extra hour of sleep really helped. I think.

But I think I was just really affected by his emotional turmoil. I went to bed feeling forlorn and more than a little bit lonely, and when I did sleep, was shocked awake by bad dreams. I sat in the warm, humid dark for a bit, trying not to think, and finally settled for grabbing something childish, my little yellow monkey (thanks short stuff), clutching it tight as I attempted slumber again, probably just to keep from feeling so alone and to remind myself of the people who care.

*sigh*

None of us ended up going to see that band last night, which was fine with me. I was feeling a bit drained after talking through my assessment case (and we still have no idea what the intent in the subpoena was, since the lawyer and father are both being evasive, which makes me think I was used. And yeah, that does irk me, if it's true), hopefully finishing up that report, sitting through clinic with the former girl (and I was very sweet, kind , insightful about the cases and able to pretend there is/was nothing going on, despite her stares in my direction), and working on not only the date double-checking, but helping to find out where some missing data might have gone. Then I came back to Tom's incessant questions (he's really hurting, so it's understandable, but he seems to need input about every little thing he does), dinner, running, some reading, and bed. Doesn't sound all that eventful, but I was drained.

By the way, no offense Chance and Bryan, but I gave up on "American Gods". There might be some great ideas and imagination there, but I can't get past Gaiman's language. Maybe I'm just pretentious, or maybe it's the former English Lit major in me, but his writing just does not engage me. As if to prove my point, what I'm substituting for it in my nightly reading (after I finish that "Expo 2000" anthology, that is, which may be soon, since I've gotten to a portion in which there are some folks whose work is just awful. Note to independent creators: Simple drawing and writing may be good if they suit the material, but drawing and writing like a 6-year-old does not make you an alternative comics creator) is "The First Man" by Camus. I found it cheap at that little used bookstore close by my old apartment (which I really miss, and not just for the digital cable).

It's an eclectic mix on the cd player today, leading off with Me First and the Gimme Gimmes, then Mike Ness, then the Odd Numbers. I think it has something to do with my mercurial mood.

posted by Skattieboy @ 10:29 AM
Wednesday, August 08, 2001

More "useful hints"

I'm thinking that being a friend (and even a therapist to some extent) involves a lot of listening and providing a few "pearls of wisdom" in the hope that they will keep your friend from making some mistakes or that they will give him/her some ideas for how to cope with situations. Unfortunately, it doesn't mean being a savior, and more often than not, you have to witness the friend doing things you were hoping you could help him/her avoid.

posted by Skattieboy @ 9:35 AM

Who says I'm not full of useful hints?

Going to sleep with a belly full of tortilla chips and very spicy salsa is not a good idea, by the way.

posted by Skattieboy @ 9:23 AM

So things are kind of a muddle

With Tom staying here, my moments of solitude are usually restricted to the morning, after he leaves for work. I can't decide if that's a good thing or a bad thing. On the one hand, it's nice having company, as it forces me to be somewhat sociable, rather than the hermit I'd feel compelled to be. On the other hand, it's also difficult seeing him go through what he's dealing with, emotionally.

I try to lend him any good advice I have, but I still see him making those mistakes, thinking those thoughts, and it saddens me. Ultimately, he does what he will, and all I can do is be supportive.

Still, I will be happy when the week is over, as he is going to stay with some friends who live closer to his work for a month or so. There's part of me that is just so controlling that any disruption of my space is aggravating, no matter the reason. And it has been a bit overwhelming, trying to help him through his difficulties while I feel myself to be a bit adrift and stressed.

The good news is that subpoena did arrive yesterday morning, and I'm scheduled to discuss it with my supervisor (the psychologist, not the virtually absent CA) today, and he's already told me he'll be accompanying me to the hearing and if I don't want to testify, he will (that's the usual routine when students are subpoena'd for testimony, as we're still in training and would therefore be at the mercy of attorneys, who could attack our expertise)..

I got a somewhat odd astrology forecast this morning, too. I'm not sure it applies, but it at least made me think a bit: If only you could take wing and fly to your freedom, Scott. Perhaps you should allow yourself to envision the future your own way; you'd be much less agitated. Of course, the planets are daring you to outdo yourself right now. It's time to break free from the past. Take a long, hard look at all your values, and keep only those you feel are essential.

My body is tired and achy after running last night, since it was a little hotter than past evenings and I wasn't as well hydrated. I really had to push myself at it, as my right hamstring and both Achilles tendons were all screaming at me. I was still happy I did it, though, as I came home sweaty and exhausted, with that little high that only a goood workout can inspire. After that, I read for a while and waited for Tom to get back. And it just struck me that I haven't really watched TV much since my brother left. I wonder if I could be overcoming that addiction?

Grace recently started blogging again, by the way, thanks to Connie's inspiration, no doubt. And yes, Dylan, I will look at your template html and see what I can do. Bear in mind I need help redesigning my own, though, okay?

And in curious news, Tom and John might be going to see an altcountry band tonight at a bar. They invited me, but I don't think I wanna go. It should be interesting to see if they both attend, and (if so) how they get along.

I'm not very inspired this morning, feeling rather blah again, so apologies for the lack of entertainment value.

posted by Skattieboy @ 9:08 AM
Tuesday, August 07, 2001

Bleh!

Sometimes I really hate freaking Fate. It just seems that my life goes along swimmingly for a while and then I just get pooped on, just to remind me that the universe isn't fair.

So I'm not only dealing with this odd reaction to the mess with her (and it's not even that mess that bugs me so much now, although the avoidance and awkwardness is rather annoying. But it seems to have made me rather pessimistic and dour, and not just because I was the target of some unflattering characterizations), but my friend Tom's situation (and I can feel his pain, having been in similar situations before, so I can lend my "wisdom", if I can call it that, but I know that, ultimately, it's still something he has to get over on his own), feeling a bit bitter about John (this irritation at his lack of support for Tom has just reminded me of any number of issues I have with John which I've never really confronted him with before), and now I'm getting a subpoena to appear in court to testify about this kid I did an assessment with. This despite the fact that I told his dad I'm not qualified to speak in court, only having done an LD/ADHD assessment with him and that my observations wouldn't hold up in court. So now I'm getting pressure to re-do my report (despite the fact that my supervising CA has been virtually absent all summer and very little help in preparing my report), right before I need to do this rush job neuropsych assessment next week.

(That doesn't sound all that bad, when I look at it objectively, especially when there are folks out there having to worry about where they'll be sleeping tonight, but it just seems like more stress than I want at present.)

By the way, I did see "Jurassic Park 3" with Jon, Kristen's hubby and a very cool geekboy, and it wasn't too bad. Then again, it had dinosaurs and William H. Macy, so how bad could it be? Yeah, there were some very dopey things that definitely annoyed me, and yeah, the ending just kind of happened (I was waiting for the infamous "Monty Python" 15-ton weight to come crashing down, signifying that they had no clue how to finish things), but I've seen much worse. It was about the only good thing about yesterday, other than running in my new crosstrainers.

posted by Skattieboy @ 9:48 AM
Monday, August 06, 2001

Say what you want about me

It's funny how sometimes our musical selections end up being inadvertantly prophetic, no? I'm listening to Sloan's "Between the Bridges", and that very lyric popped up, as my roommate is up there talking to that person, since they went jogging together this morning. Unfortunately, the floor is thin enough that I could hear some of their post-jog conversation, with my name showing up. I tried not to listen and finally resorted to the stereo to drown it out (but not before I did hear roomie defend me, to her credit). God I hate this.

A very dear friend called late last night, and I have to apologize for not being more conversationally functional. However, the call really helped, even if it made me a bit sadder for a short while.

I may have Tom coming to stay with me for a few days. I don't know if I've overloaded folks with second-hand information about someone they don't know, but I think it requires a little bit of a story, if only to explain why I'll have the guest. It seems he and his ex, Rachel, moved to Denver in October, so he could be closer to his daughter. Shortly after that, they split up. Sort of. I still don't have the full story, but they stopped being a couple at that time, but they've continued to live together. Well, she's started seeing someone, and that bothers Tom a lot, but he doesn't say anything about it. She was going to move out back in early June but didn't, citing lack of finances, but I suspect it was more a fear of being alone. Anyway, the situation is no good for anyone concerned, but especially not for him, since he still carries this thing for her. We were driving around yesterday and we saw her with the new guy, and it broke my heart a bit to sense the discomfort in him. And she doesn't get that it bothers him, which is partly his fault for not being more open about it, and partly hers for being pretty clueless.

So, anyway, I think they had a talk last night, which is why he's coming to stay.

And since I'm venting here, I might as well admit that I'm annoyed with my friend John for not being more supportive of Tom. I met Tom through him, after all. And yet all John can do is bitch about Tom and Rachel, whining whenever Tom wants to talk about Rachel. It does get tiresome, but you'd think he could be a bit more of a friend.

I think it all boils down to John being a bit of a shitheel, to be honest. He seems to have this weird thing for all of his friends' love interests, as he seemed to have a thing for Rachel, always wanting to hang out with her when Tom wasn't around. Then he did the same thing with Sarah (Luis's girlfriend). And then when we were hanging out before the show Saturday, he was being pretty transparent with this girl my brother is interested in. It's more than creepy.

And, for some reason, he seems to remember that Tom mooches off him at the bar, and yet his brother, who never seems to have money, does the same thing more consistently, but this doesn't trouble him. I suppose it's family ties, after all, but Mike's mooching is much more bothersome to me, as Tom at least repays from time to time and is ungrateful, unlike trustbaby Mike.

That felt good.

So today is going to be an extended weekend day, because I really feel like I need one. I'm going to see "Jurassic Park 3" with Kristen's hubby, Jon (different Jon, and a very cool geekboy). I should mow the lawn, but I can put it off for another day or so.

I'm looking forward to trying out my new crosstrainers tonight (courtesy of my notsoevil twin), as I haven't been running in a few nights.

Got very bogged down with visiting and other stuff and haven't read more than 10 pages of "American Gods", sadly. I can say I'm not altogether impressed with Gaiman's prose, so I'm hoping that his plotting makes up for that. But I've been reading authors with some nice prose of late, so maybe I'm just being picky...?

Instead, I've been reading a comic book anthology, "Expo 2000", that I picked up over the weekend. It's got some very dandy creators in it (Tom Hart, Jon Lewis, Adrian Tomine, Craig Thompson, John Porcellino, Chris Ware, Nick Bertozzi, and Ivan Brunetti, just to name my favorites). I was surprised it was so cheap, too.

And I'm still loving that weekend show at the Bluebird. The openers were either nondescript or awful, but Agnostic Front and the Business were topnotch. I like live music.

I made Tom watch some Hong Kong kung fu stuff last night. We had actually gone to the Evil Empire to get "Once Upon a Time in China", which turned out to be havily butchered (with the opening scene cut right out and some horrid dubbing), so instead we watched "Drunken Master 2". On the way to the den of capitalism, we passed my roommates, as they were sitting on the porch eating dinner, and they heard only the tail end of our conversation, with the words "hot girls". It should be fun explaining that, as we were really discussing Hollywood's ridiculous notion of hot girls, citing the use of Janeane Garofalo as the token "unattractive woman".

The new toilet seat continues to work fine, by the way.

posted by Skattieboy @ 10:37 AM
Sunday, August 05, 2001

I hate Sunday

I really do. I think it's because it's always the last weekend day and it feels so unrelaxing. I've always loved Saturday but hated Sunday. Don't ask me to explain it in a coherent fashion as that's not possible at present.

posted by Skattieboy @ 3:39 PM

A new toilet seat

That seems like my most interesting news. Or maybe my priorities are mixed up.

Um, my brother just left to drive back to Salt Lake, after a very brief stop off to hang out yesterday and see a show at the Bluebird Theater (it was the Business and Agnostic Front, and both bands were fantastic, the latter surprisingly so, since they did mostly hardcore material. There were no real incidents, with one slight exception and an annoying drunk woman whose boyfriend seemed oblivious that she might pitch over the railing to the floor below at any time) and hit up some haunts. It was a low-key, fun visit, and he's a good boy.

I'm feeling a bit hurt, now that things are starting to sink in.

posted by Skattieboy @ 10:17 AM
Saturday, August 04, 2001

Okay, so I finally got THOSE posted

Don't have much to say now, though, really. I spent the evening over at Tom's, hanging out with him and his daughter, helping them prepare for this yard sale he's having today, making and putting up signs, drinking beer (I dunno how that really helped with the sale preparation, come to think of it, but it was certainly accomplished, anyway).

And my brother got in around 11 PM. There was some thought of going to see "Stop Making Sense", which was the midnight movie at the local arthouse cinema, but we never got over there. Probably good, as I think both of us would have fallen asleep.

So there's yet another of those card game cartoons on my TV right now, and is it just me, or do the theme songs for all of them sound exactly the same?

I'm still not ready to divulge all, by the way.

posted by Skattieboy @ 9:38 AM
Friday, August 03, 2001

Why doesn't anyone tell me these things?

Big ol' typos. You know they drive me crazy. Yet you say nothing. It's all a plot to make me look dumb, isn't it? I knew it.

So I went for a long ol' walk to the comics store in the blazing hot sun, exhausting myself. I was astonished that the store owner noticed the same logic flaw in "Planet of the Apes" that I spotted. And I'm sweaty and exhausted, and that seems to be a little bit of a "fix-it" for what ails me these days.

Nothing too aggressive for me tonight, as my brother is coming to town (I said that before, didn't I?), so maybe dinner and a couple beers with friends.

posted by Skattieboy @ 3:48 PM

The meeting went fine

Short, actually informative, and no girl.

Is it awful for me to say that?

I also got paid, deposited my check, and there were no reports of any bounces or other crap I might have expected, thankfully.

I'm still looking forward to the weekend, though.

Oh, and just because I feel like I should be plugging, I should note that Chance has a new blogging address for reasons he can explain, I introduced Meredith to "the Stanford Prison Experiment" (thereby ruining any image she had of psychology as a benign pseudoscience), and Kevin has a link up for an article on gamers as possible autistics (and the reason I haven't responded to it yet is that I want to give it a good reading, since I'm doing research on autism and thus tend to take such things much too seriously).

posted by Skattieboy @ 11:52 AM

Um

Just a little bit of a disclaimer: I know I'm doing a lot of complaining and whining about her. I really don't want to come off like a saint, or as some kind of misogynistic putz. I know I am a complete pain in the butt, and as my partners can attest, I can be awful to deal with. And I'm usually the one to take all the blame upon myself. There's just a lot that I have omitted here, feeling it's not pertinent or that interesting for others to read.

So yeah, I'm culpable in this disaster, too. There shall be no scapegoating.

posted by Skattieboy @ 8:36 AM

Psssssst. Here's a little secret

(Whispering quietly, so as not to disturb the neighbors) Making your coffee stronger in the morning does not mean it will wake you up faster, but will make the pot more bitter.

I'm more helpful than Heloise, am I not?

So I am definitely not going running that late again. My body feels like it's been run over by a diesel, which then proceeded to back up to check what the bump in the road was, and finding its wheels bumping on something, backed up and went forward several times more (my metaphors suck this morning, but the literary critics out there can just bite me). I fell asleep pretty quickly (interrupted only by an amusing drunk, who just had to call and tell me just how drunk), disturbed by fitful dreams, and then awakened to the realization that I have another interminable lab meeting this morning, in which I'll have to see her.

Please come, weekend.

I made it clear that things are all over, didn't I?

And yes, I could use a little cheering up. Just a little reassurance, if you please.

posted by Skattieboy @ 8:09 AM
Thursday, August 02, 2001

HAVE I lost it?

I probably shouldn't have, but I went running with Tom and Rachel tonight, around 9:30. I had no intentions of going so late, but somehow wound up getting sucked into "Planet of the Apes" (the original), which Tom just had to watch.

Now I'm back and thoroughly drained, but still watching taped "Smackdown", anyway (don't look at me like that).

Since it's probably time I ended on a positive note, my bro is coming tomorrow. And, somewhat philosophically, I realized tonight that I really shouldn't have been with someone who doesn't like "The Simpsons".

posted by Skattieboy @ 10:58 PM

Oh, and...

I've been trying to finish up that long overdue assessment report I've been putting off forever.

posted by Skattieboy @ 3:25 PM

I'm still settling on a new template

Although if one of you nice webdesigner folks wants to help out, I sure wouldn't complain (I've always relied on the kindness of strangers, after all).

posted by Skattieboy @ 3:23 PM

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