I don't think that anyone could doubt that I loved this boy.
I loved him in different ways over these two years of knowing him. He was the one that - no matter what - was always a prize to me somewhere deep in my heart. A symbol of something that went well and still meant much. Even after the romance had to end, he was always the one that could have been and was proof of the hope that true goodness exists in this world. Men were not bad because he was not bad.
It wasn't hard to love him really. He was so easy to be with and embrace in that way. No matter who you were or what you were. He had this effervescent puppy like quality to him that you knew that when you saw it - was a rare and special thing indeed.
His innocence astounded me. His beauty inspired me. He was the one I could always rely on. A constant in a world of many many inconstant things.
And in a flash he was gone. As if a flame unattended, a brief moment when I wasn't looking, had gone out. I didn't know that something could do that to him - could rid this world, my world, of his seemingly eternal warmth and glow. In many ways I do not want to accept it - these new facts. These are changes to my world view, my beliefs, my givens. He was always supposed to be here, without a doubt to me. And it's a shame that he is not.
He was a beautiful man and a wonderful soul. He touched so many people with his pure generous light without even really trying. He had this ability to just make you speak and say things that you would have never said to yourself out loud. He was a man who did not judge or preach, but just understood. It was his understanding that in many ways redeemed you. He had a gift. He reached people that would be unreachable - through mediums that are by nature cold and inorganic. He was so talented that he made it his life's work, to reach children that were in fact by science and by medicine deemed unreachable as well. It was his gift and his purpose in life and he had the limitless compassion to do it.
He literally changed my life and made me a better person. He helped me see the beauty and possibility in myself. His unflinching belief in the abilities of other people - at times over himself - made life good to live in. It made life and people worth understanding. His stamp of approval meant everything. His taste, his humanity, was gold. He made me open and willing to love and most importantly be, possibly, hurt.
I regret to see that he left no children. He would have made a wonderful, wonderful father.
In the two years that I've known him, I've gotten to know him very well. I've met his family and his friends and was allowed into his innermost circle. I got to hear his doubts and dreams. His secrets were my honor to keep. The times I've shared with him were some of the happiest in my life. And here are some of the pictures I've kept from our time together. From when we first started out in our romance
and in love
. . . To when we were sick over New Year's Eve together and nursed each other back to health
. . . To when we were near the end of our romance but still cared for each other's company
in fun places like New York . . . These were the more intimate sides of Scott that I got to know and care for. These are just some simple mementos of his life before ( 1
) in his old apartment and of his desk that I also have and would like to share with you.
To my first love and my best friend - sweet Scott that I will remember and cherish forever
- may you rest in peace.